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blu-joons · 5 years ago

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Meeting At A Karaoke Bar ~ Jeon Jungkook

He was reluctant from the start, but with the pressure from his hyungs, he soon found himself sat in a booth in a local karaoke bar, the beer in his hand the only thing stopping him from walking out of the door.

No attention was paid to the music, the cringeworthy attempts of performing by the many drunken locals was enough to make him embarrassed for them all. Unlike him, however, his bandmates loved it, encouraging more from everyone who stood on the stage.

“Liven up a bit JK, it’s a bit of fun,” Hobi smiled, passing another beer along the table to his maknae.

The drinks began to flow, and all control was lost. Jungkook finally began to enjoy his night, dancing on the tables with the rest of the boys, cheering and clapping along.

But then the music changed, the high tempo, upbeat tunes changed into a slow ballad. At this, you’d of thought the mood in the room would have dropped, but the soft, melodic voice of the person on the stage brought all eyes up to see what was happening.

A soft smile appeared on Jungkook’s face, looking across he was mesmerised by your voice, watching your eyes stare intently out at the small crowd.

Your hands were shaking, after a push from your friend to get up on the stage, your nerves were at an all-time high. Yet, as soon as you began to sing the song, everything just fell into place. It was your home on a stage, no matter how big or small.

And the dark-haired boy was stunned.

He couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off you, and the boys around him quickly noticed, sniggering and pointing as he waited until your song came to an end to look away from you.

There was only one person applauding as the song came to an end, following the sound you smiled softly at a man at a table, several empty glasses in front of him. You weren’t sure if he was drunk, or actually engaged, but you were appreciative either way of a little bit of recognition.

“She was good, don’t you think,” Jimin whispered, nudging Jungkook in the arm.

He nodded, taking a sip of his drink, playing things cool and unassuming, but his six best friends saw right through him. “I guess she was alright.”

“Don’t be like that,” Jin chuckled, throwing his head back in disgust, “you were into her and we all know it. Why don’t you go over and say hello?”

It was easier said than done, he never had the courage to go over and introduce himself. He was invested in your music and your voice, but to go over and say hello seemed like a daunting prospect. Even with a few drinks in him, going over and talking to a girl was a huge obstacle in his way.

You sat back with your friend, who already had a glass of wine waiting for you to drown your sorrows. The difficulty with karaoke at the pubs and clubs was that you never got anything from it, a few people would glance over from time to time, but that was it.

“You did good,” she assured you, taking a sip from her glass, “there were a few people interested. That group by the door were paying attention.”

Your eyes looked over to where she pointed, the boy who had given you the applause was sat with presumably a group of his friends. “It was nice for someone to acknowledge me.”

“I think he did more than just acknowledge you.”

The boys all continued to prompt and provoke Jungkook into going over to you, they were desperate for him to do something without regret. All of them knew that the two of you had the chance to bond over music, not to mention the sparkle in his eyes whilst he watched you perform.

“We’re not leaving here without you getting her number tonight, one way or another you’re going to go over and speak to her,” Namjoon scolded.

It was rare for him to be so blunt to Jungkook, but he knew better than anyone that he had an interest in you, and no way was he going to sit back and risk seeing him luck yet again at his chance of happiness.

“What do I even say? Don’t you think it’s a bit strange just to go over?”

All their heads shook, socialising, making friends, it was all part of growing up.

“Just go over, introduce yourself, compliment her singing and ask her for a drink or something, use some of that charm you have around us, and everything will be just fine,” Taehyung assured him, resting a hand on his shoulder.

He looked back over to you, smiling as you fell into a fit of giggles at something your friend had said. He nodded, sliding his chair away from the table, taking one final gulp of his beer.

“I’m going over,” he declared.

All the boys cheered, slapping the maknae on the back as he stood up, walking over to you tentatively. Your friend was the first to spot him, falling quiet as he cleared his throat stood at the end of your table.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he smiled, playing with his fingers that were in front of him, “I’m Jungkook, I just wanted to tell you how good I thought you were up there singing tonight.”

You were taken aback, offering him to sit down beside you. “Thank you Jungkook, I’m Y/N.”

Just like the boys, your friend had seen the spark, excusing herself, slipping away to the bar leaving the two of you alone at the table.

“What made you go up there and sing?” He asked, slowly finding the confidence in himself to speak.

“Peer pressure,” you chuckled, “I always say no to these things, and tonight I just had enough of being pushed, so I did it.”

He laughed along, sympathising with the pressure your friends put you under. “It’s hard when not many people recognise you, but I thought you did a really good job, I’m surprised no one has signed you up or something before.” “I’m not that good but thank you. I’m one of those people that just sings around the house for a bit of fun from time to time.”

His head shook, resting his arm around the back of your chair to try and drop a few subtle hints. “Maybe we could sing together sometime, I’m a singer myself, I’m in a band with those guys over there.”

As soon as you both looked over, six pairs of eyes fell to the table, desperately trying to hide the obvious stare they’d held over your conversation, silently pleading with Jungkook to make things work.

“I’m sorry about them,” he whispered, turning back to look at you, “if I’m honest, they pressured me into coming over here.”

“Oh, really?”

“Not in a bad way,” he quickly reassured you, “I never talk to girls, I always get too scared, but they told me to come over, stop saying no for once and start saying yes.”

You nodded, smiling lightly, taking a sip from your wine to try and disguise the blush you could feel glowing on your cheeks.

“I was wondering if maybe I could get your number, maybe we could go out for a drink together sometime, without our friends around to make things harder,” he proposed.

A soft smile appeared on your face, pulling out your phone for him to place his number in. He shot a text to his phone, to ensure he had your number too, before placing the phone back into your hand.

“I’ll text you,” he smiled, standing up from his chair, “it was nice meeting you.” “You too,” you replied, watching as he walked back to his table.

Hopeful eyes watched his arrival, nervously awaiting the result of your little chat.

“Got her number,” he smugly whispered, sitting back down at the table. Cheers erupted of pride and happiness, Jin fetching him another drink to celebrate.

“I knew you’d do it,” Namjoon muttered across to him, “you won’t regret it, trust me.”

---

Masterlist

#bts #bts imagine #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook imagine #jungkook fluff #jungkook drabble #jungkook one shot #bts drabble #bts reaction #bts scenario #bts one shot #bts fluff #bangtan #bangtan seonyeondan #kpop #kpop imagine #kpop fluff

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heathered-beinn · 4 years ago

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BTS American Hustle Life Ep6

Ep 5 recap:

BTS are still in LA learning about hip hop. After their lyric challenge last episode, they had a little party (bbq) with Warren G to celebrate. Over dinner Warren G asked them if they got to spend much time with their friends and family and we learned the heart-breaking truth that they don’t and that it’s been 2 years since some of them have even been home.

The episode’s challenge was to shoot a music video and their task was to find some women to appear in the video. Cue some hilarious and cringeworthy moments as 7 terrified lads combed the streets trying to speak to the opposite sex. The filming was equally – if not more - hilarious to watch.

Onwards and upwards…

So they are still filming and straight away Jungkook is getting himself into some mischief. I laughed when the stylist hurried out yelping to get out of there because he doesn’t have a spare outfit.

Jungkook makes it back to solid ground and starts recording his self-cam again. ROFL at him running away squealing when one of the ladies plays up to his camera.

Now the ladies are in bikinis and sunbathing and the groups have to sit next to them and film. I almost couldn’t breathe from laughing especially when V, Jungkook and Suga walking away pretty swiftly after they’d finished; Jungkook saying he nearly *died* back there. And Suga grinning like he’d just been released from prison and saying he’s relieved it’s over. I really never expected Suga to be so nervous of women! He’s usually so chill.

Lol at the three of them watching Jin and J-Hope filming with the ladies (and acting fairly naturally) and Jungkook wondering how they can have fun like that as he thought his heart was going to explode and he’d die *crying with laughter emoji*

Ah, it was really no surprise that J-Hope won the challenge. He was the only one who had fun, could get within a foot of a women and not look two seconds from shitting himself LMAO.

His and Jin’s reward for being the winning team was a collectible figurine/model of their choice? Cool!

Next day…

So Jin and J-Hopes next challenge is to find their beat box master but they have to beat box in the street to draw them out? I totally agree J-Hope, it’s utterly embarrassing. Yep, I had a little fast forward through that.

So they find their master, Fraahz and go back to his place where he goes through the basics of beat boxing with them. Their attempts are cute, although I think that microphone may need to be turned upside down to drain the spit ewwwwww looooooooooooooooooool.

Elsewhere, RM and Jimin’s task is to find their dance master – lol at RM’s pained reaction at having to dance again

Oooooh they’re going to learn some bboying! Wow, Jimin picks it up pretty well – I always thought he was a good dancer (since he led the dance class in Carpool Karaoke) that’s why I was surprised that J-Hope was considered the band’s best. RM does a pretty good job too! They really are such a cute duo. It’s quite a unique friendship they have – hard to describe. Bet they’re knackered after that dance session though.

Yep! Well… RM is knackered.

V(?) teasingly trying to wake him up and RM kicking his leg in retaliation. This band really do act like brothers. It’s like they’ve lived together since they were born.

Lol at Jin and J-Hope repeatedly bursting into giggles as they fail time and time again to get through their beat box and meditation practice.

******************************************

It’s the next morning and RM and Jimin meet their dance teacher in the park for a little exercise (although they claim they didn’t know it was for exercise).

AHAHAHAHA RM almost dead after running a couple of laps. To be fair it’s probably scorching outside which won’t help. LMAO, the dance teacher putting the weight jacket on Jimin as the exercise was too easy for him. Poor Jimin and RM look absolutely floored by the end – I hope the walk back to the dorm isn’t too far for those tired little legs.

They’re back in the dance studio later on and poor RM get’s hit in the head by Jimin’s foot – aww. RM gets revenge by slapping a high five to Jimin’s hand/wrist extremely hard *crying with laughter emoji*. I love these lads so much <3 They are such characters.

Jin and J-Hope meet Fraahz again in the park to go over their beatboxing practice. I was impressed that they managed to get through the meditation without bursting into giggles. That part with them turning animal sounds into beats was hilarious.

******************************************** While the others are working with their masters V, Suga, and Jungkook are chilling at the dorm watching basketball and Jungkook is pretending to shoot people with a tablet… Lol, here comes Tony and N to spoil their fun! What are the three of them going to get? RnB!

Wait whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! Hold the **** phone. Did they just say they’ve never heard of Whoopi Goldberg????!!! I ain’t from the states either man but she is a l-e-g-e-n-d. These three lads need to sit down and watch Sister Act 1 and 2 STAT.

Iris Stevenson, the woman Sister Act 2 is based on, is such an inspiration.

OMG they are going to get to do some gospel singing! *squeal*

Wow, Jungkook, you have such a nice voice <3 What an absolute cutie.

This was a great thing for the 3 of them to do. Not only was Iris’s happy and motherly soul something I think they desperately needed but, from what the lads were saying afterwards, I think musically it was important they learned how to feel love for singing again. The amount of practice they had to do as trainees – and no doubt still have to do - and the type of practice, as well as the stress of trying to ‘make it’ seems to have taken a lot of joy away from their art. And that is a real shame. If you don’t like what you’re doing, if your heart isn’t in it, then how can you possibly be happy? You certainly won’t be the best you can be!

Aww V has a wonderful voice for this kind of music too. But he’s not feeling well :( You need to rest up sweetie.

Iris is such a lovely and amazing woman.

Go V and Suga bragging about how great Iris is <3 Wonderful lads.

Okay, so they are going to each show off what they’ve been learning and then score themselves out of 100 “fairly”. Why do I get the feeling that “fair” will be used very loosely lol.

J-Hope and Jin did well with beat boxing although I think Jimin and RM were a little harsh with giving them a score of 69. Bet that gets reciprocated when it’s their turn. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I was right lol. RM did really well with the dancing thought, kudos to him.

Next up it’s Suga, V, and Jungkook. Aww sweet Jimin getting up out his seat to hug V and tell him how much he loves his voice <3 <3 And ten seconds later he rigs the scoring so that he and RM are not last *facepalm*. At least he takes it back at the end and honestly gives them a score of 100 points. This means he and RM lose and the punishment is….

The winners get to smash the losers faces into a plate of whipped cream. LMAO. This I have got to see!!!

Oh Jungkook… <3

“Oh delicious”

But Tony’s “Welcome to America” in reply just killed me

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaha

Look at the happiness on Jungkook’s face *crying with laughter emoji*

*dead*

There are so many crude analogies that I could make here… Jungkook creaming Jimin’s face and them both loving it but I will… refrain.

LMAO RM flinging cream all over the place in retaliation.

So we got to see the music video and it was quite good. I felt it wasn’t very polished though as there was a noticeable difference between the colouring/lighting between the car scenes and the scenes at the mansion that you wouldn’t expect/want in a professional MV. I really like the song though.

Final musings.

Another enjoyable episode. This one was both fun and funny. The boys have got great personalities and can make even silence seem interesting. They are a delight to watch and I’m so glad I’m still at the beginning of the journey <3

Two eps to go: Episode 7 up next…

#bts #American hustle life #heather-beinn musings #jin #suga #rapmonster #j-hope #jimin #v #jungkook

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chyrstis · 5 years ago

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20 OTP Questions

Tagged by @risenlucifer @tommymillers and @shellibisshe! Here I am about so many days late, but I still wanted to do this, and I appreciate the tags every time. <3

Tagging: @sharky-broshaw @amistrio @foofygoldfish @softmillers @shallow-gravy @bimollymauks @himbopike @jmcolt @shelliechen @scarlettkat86 @guileandgall @honesthearts @geronimo-11 @seedlingsinner @ma-sulevin @fromathelastoveritaserum @raisinghellinotherworlds and anyone else that’s interested! There’s no obligation ever intended, however, so don’t mind me at all.

Guess I have no choice but to get a little more Hana/Sharky in I love them a little too much not to, though I may have to revisit this one as well (b/c I know Hana/John deserves a turn, as well as the three all at once. :D).

Art courtesy of the lovely @bintangy!

1) who can outdrink the other?

Hana would try, but honestly Sharky would drink her under the table, and probably still be sober right around the time she’d offer to sing along to the next song on the jukebox no matter what’s next on rotation. And then proceed to dance to it too, all while Sharky’s trying and failing to wipe a stray tear from his eye.

2) who says “i love you” more?

This’ll have to go to Sharky. Once it’s official, he doesn’t have much trouble saying it, though he’ll often go for other ways of voicing his affection, usually with the sappiest grin on his face, and she loves every moment of it.

Hana’s a little more restrained with it. Not that she isn’t feeling anything as strongly as he is, but it’s easier to show him and to touch him rather than let it slip out. But she’s also been 100% guilty of dropping it on him in the middle of sex, so...in the heat of the moment anything goes.

3) who has trouble sleeping alone?

While the two can, and have, slept alone, neither enjoy it. It’s an empty space that becomes glaringly apparent unless someone’s there talking, resting, or snoring nearby, so even if they’re not sleeping side by side with someone, having that other presence helps. And with the other, once night falls they’ll always find the other fast, feeling content knowing the other’s never more than a few inches away.

4) who swears more?

Sharky, easy. Hana’s got no hope of reaching his record, though she’s not far behind.

5) who does more of the housework?

They try to make it an even split, but for the more annoying chores they’ll rock/paper/scissors it.

6) who forgets their anniversary?

They’re both guilty of this, because with everything going on at the time, neither remember the exact day that Hana said ‘fuck it’ and finally decided to jump Sharky’s bones. But they do have a decent guess as to which week it was, and it’s one of the first things that Hana marks down on their calendar in the bunker. And having an entire week to celebrate the other? Pretty damn awesome in their book.

7) who steals the duvet in their sleep?

Hana’s going to snag it, and turn into the most airtight burrito ever. There’s no hope of Sharky getting it back.

8) who keeps the other awake at night with their snoring?

Sharky. Not enough to get her to leave the room, but some nights she’ll jostle the bed to see if that’ll help. It’s pretty hit or miss.

9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

While Hana rescued Boomer, Cheeseburger, and Peaches during the game, outside of that, there’s a decent chance she would try to attract a stray cat or two by leaving out food to feed them. Sharky wouldn’t really have a problem with that since he’s left some food out himself once or twice...but after repelling a furious skunk, he decided it really wasn’t worth it. Especially when they end up getting into the pizza boxes left by the firepit anyway.

10) who usually makes dinner?

Hana takes point with Sharky providing ample backup/fire support. It’s a passable affair with what’s available, but she can heat up a can of beans over a fire no problem. Anything fancier than that’s..debatable.

11) who plays their music out loud?

Sharky, Sharky, Sharky. This is the man that has a full-blown surround sound system set up at Moonflower, with everything cranked to the highest volume possible just so he could have some tunes to jam to while messing with the Angels. He’s got her absolutely beat. .

12) who hogs the bathroom?

They’re both pretty even, though Hana will absolutely hog the shower if there’s hot water to be used (and if she stays in there long enough, there’s a good chance Sharky might find his way in there with her too)

13) who gives the most compliments?

Sharky. It took zero prompting before they were together to do it, and after he’s just as enthusiastic about it. He’ll open his mouth and dive right into the most absurd statement ever, talking about how cool she is, how she should have three movies made about her, and she’ll immediately go three shades darker because he’s not even done yet.

14) who usually starts/causes arguments between them?

Hana. It’s not intentional, but she refuses to let him follow her into certain situations and places, and on the off-chance that leads to her getting caught that’s like a knife to the gut for him every time.

15) who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public?

Sharky, though unintentionally. He wants to put a smile on her face, and won’t hesitate to say or do everything he can to make it happen, which unfortunately means that Hana’s been the victim of a spit-take more times than she ever hoped to be. But she also laughed her ass off afterwards, so mission accomplished, Sharky.

16) who gives the other cringeworthy pet names?

Sharky has a field day with them. Most don’t ever go beyond the bedroom though, especially when Hana’s laughing too hard to take any of them seriously.

17) who fusses over the other when they get sick?

If anything dared to bowl Sharky over for longer than ten minutes at a time, Hana wouldn’t stop until she’d found anything and everything he could possibly need to start getting better asap.

But Sharky’s really no better, considering he barreled into Nick and Kim’s place when Hana was on the verge of collapsing, and refused to leave her side until she was able to get up and move around on her own again.

18) who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long?

Hana. While Sharky will apologize first, she has no hope of ever staying mad or holding a grudge for long when it comes to him.

19) who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared?

Hana. She’ll grope for Sharky’s arm whenever things go to absolute hell or they’re about to, and even when she’s not directly reaching for him, he’s already moving towards her, so he’s never too far to reach.

20) who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…)

They’re both pretty awful with this. Once the switch is flipped, and these two are well on the same page, Hana’s reaching for his hand, leaning on him, and standing up on her toes to get a kiss, all while Sharky’s half-draping himself all over her whenever the two are able to stop and breathe for more than five minutes at a time.

To any and all people they travel with they’d like to apologize, and do try to tone it down a little if they’re not exactly in private (sorry, Grace) , but they’re way too giddy and eager to really keep much of it contained for long.

#otp: hanarky #I'll just be forever soft for these two #and I have a feeling I'm going to have to start a future idea for them soon #just to indulge in that added softness #I kind of need it right now

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rather-impertinent · 6 years ago

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The Girl Next Door chpt 11

A/N: it’s been a hot minute since I updated this fic, but now that I am free from the shackles of academia, I decided I wasn’t quite finished with this. This chapter is for Vicki (@hopefulfridays), who has been the loveliest beacon of positivity the last few months, thank you for everything gal!

This fic jumps ahead from the previous chapter by about 2 months, but it could also stand alone as an AU so reading the others isn’t necessary imo. Appearances from like every other character too! Much love xo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The soft peachy glow of the morning sun snuck through a gap in the thick hotel curtains. Caroline sighed and checked the time once again, wincing as the harsh glow of her iPhone blinded her tired and hungover eyes.

“It’s just after half-past six,” she announced, snuggling back underneath the covers and yawning widely. “I should probably go before someone catches me coming out of your room,” she pointed out with a chuckle, but made no attempt to move.

“You should probably should,” Dwight agreed, holding her a little tighter. He ran his hand along her smooth back and thought about how lovely the past two months had been. “Did you have fun last night, my love?”

A soft smile graced Caroline’s face – Dwight had only recently started using a pet name for her and although she usually found them vulgar and cringeworthy, she was pleased that Dwight had chosen such a dignified and lovely one. His soft dulcet tones and the way the words rolled of his tongue helped a little, too. “Mhm,” she hummed, cuddling into him more, evidentially abandoning her attempt to sneak out.

Last night was very fun, she reflected. The wedding itself had been beautiful and a lump had even formed in throat as Emma and Sam exchanged their vows, which was ridiculous, of course, since she probably knew them least of all of Dwight’s friends. Though, of course, Dwight’s friends were now also her friends. Especially Demelza. Oh, what fun they’d had dancing to their favourite childhood songs – it seemed Emma had impeccable music taste. And little Geoffrey Charles had asked her to dance. Caroline immediately felt a little awkward as she had next to no experience with young children, but Francis had simply set Geoffrey Charles securely onto her hip and they had danced to a Maroon 5 song. Dwight had elected to dance with little Julia, letting her stand on top of his shoes, claiming that a certain other young man had stolen his dance partner. The bride, having drank more wine than was probably sensible in order to cope with her nerves, only realised near the end of the night that she had forgotten to throw the bouquet. The single female members of the party had all enthusiastically flocked to the dancefloor, all except Caroline, who only made it after an incredibly encouraging shove on the back from Demelza. To her absolute mortification, the bouquet had fell into her arms, despite every attempt to avoid it. Everyone had been very excited for her and Emma came over to tease her about whoever the lucky man would be. Caroline had been so focused on not meeting Dwight’s eye that she had missed the subtle look that Demelza had given them both.

Silently reflectively on last night, too, Dwight smiled softly as he thought of how he and Caroline had comfortably, if a little bashfully, danced to ‘You and Me’ by Lifehouse. It was strange, Dwight thought, how the world could narrow down to two people, no matter how big the surrounding crowd. “You looked beautiful last night, by the way, incase I haven’t already said,” Dwight whispered into the comfortable silence.

Caroline smiled; he had said so, many times. She would definitely have to wear red more often. “You cut a mighty fine figure in a suit yourself, Dr Enys,” she purred in reply.

“Do I?” Dwight asked, feigning ignorance. He had gathered she thought so by the way she practically ripped the garment off his body about seven hours ago.

Caroline shot him a glance but leaned in for a kiss anyway. “You do,” she confirmed, with an suggestive arch of her eyebrow. Before she could breathe out a laugh, Dwight’s lips had met her own, his hand cupping her face. She sighed at the action, he was such an attentive kisser. Taking the sigh as an encouragement, Dwight smoothly pulled Caroline on top of him, half-sitting up so as not to break the kiss.

Caroline’s heart began to race as Dwight began to kiss her breast, but the daylight that now came flooding in through the curtains was a nagging reminder of how long she had spent in his room and how long she had been since she last showered. “Dwight, if we have sex one more time today, I don’t think I’ll physically be able to walk to my room,” she said, half-laughing as she moved off him. Her resolve likely would not last long, so perhaps it was time to sneak off to her room after all.

“Are you saying I’m good in bed?” Dwight teased as he reclined back against the plump hotel pillows.

“I’d be more worried if you weren’t good in bed, what would be the point in dating a doctor if he didn’t even know where the clit is?” she said seriously. Dwight threw his head back, roaring with laughter. Caroline placed a hand over his mouth to quieten him, though found herself giggling too. “Shhh!” she hissed with a grin as he clutched his sides. “People will think you’ve gone mad, laughing to yourself all alone in here.”

A tear leaked from the outer corner of the doctor’s eye and he took a deep breath to calm himself. He looked at Caroline, whose face was mere inches from his own. Her eyes were still remarkably blue, even when cloudy from excessive alcohol consumption, not to mention the dim light of the room. “I will never get tired of your blunt sense of humour,” he vowed, chuckling still. “I–,” he paused, catching himself. Maybe he had gone a little mad. I love you. “I will honestly never get tired of it.”

With a smug nod of agreement as to her own impeccable sense of humour, Caroline released him and stood up, fetching her black strapless bra from the floor and putting it on. Dwight sat up in bed and rubbed his tired eyes, sighing as exhaustion coursed through his veins as the adrenaline began to wear off. Last night had been worth it though, he thought to himself.

Zipping up her dress, and with a wry purse of her lips, Caroline teased: “Well, I hope you don’t miss me too much in the forty-five minutes I’ll be gone.” She bent down to straighten her black, satin heels before stepping into them.

Dwight got up to walk her to the door. “How ever shall I cope in your absence until breakfast?” he wondered aloud, a sarcastic smirk on his face.

The smirk earned him a gentle tap on the arm and a quick kiss. And another. And then another.

Caroline giggled against his lips, feeling the beginnings of his stubble brush her cupid’s bow. “Okay, I really am leaving now. And you need to shave,” she told him with the arch of her bow.

Dwight scratched his jawline and hummed in agreement. “I’ll see you in a bit,” he said with a grin as he opened the door for her to leave.

They both froze immediately at the unexpected sight before them.

Ross and Demelza Poldark stood, if a little drunkenly, in the hallway in front of Dwight’s door with victorious smirks and cocked eyebrows. They high-fived each other enthusiastically before immediately beginning to argue about who had guessed that Dwight and Caroline were in a secret relationship first.

Dwight grabbed his friends by their arms and tugged them into the room and firmly shut the door. “Do you two think you could be any fucking louder?” he hissed at his dearest friends, both of whom wore fixed smiles. “There is a reason we were trying to keep it a secret, but you go ahead, tell the entire hotel!” he invited, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

“Don’t tempt me because I will,” Demelza warned in a singsong tone. She then squealed and threw herself into Dwight’s arms and then into Caroline’s. “I’m so happy for you both!” She grinned at the couple, her happiness and enthusiasm genuine and infectious. She enveloped them both into a bone-crushing hug once again.

Dwight ducked his head a little, blushing. “Thanks, Dem,” he said a little shyly.

“Thank you, Demelza,” Caroline echoed with a genuine smile.

“Congrats, it’s about fucking time!” was all that Ross commented, though he did look pleased, proud even.

Dwight flashed a smile, before realising that he was standing in front of everyone shirtless and in his boxer shorts. “Thanks mate. Now could all you please get out so I can shower?” he asked rhetorically, leading the three of them to the door.

Ross glanced at Caroline and then at Dwight. “I bet you need one,” he taunted with a suggestive wink.

Redness instantly bloomed on Dwight’s cheeks. Expecting Caroline to be similarly embarrassed, he tentatively glanced at her but was met with an expression of… pride?

“Fucking right,” Caroline stated confidently. “And so do I! You’d think he was a footballer with that stamina, not a doctor!”

Ross burst into peals of laughter as the three of them entered the hallway. He casually threw an arm over Caroline’s shoulder as they made towards their respective rooms. “You know, Caroline, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Ross said philosophically.

Dwight couldn’t help but smile softly at the sight before him. “I hate you both so much,” he called after them. Demelza shot him a sympathetic, but genuine, smile over her shoulder. He closed the door with a sigh, a shake of the head and an irremovable smile.

Almost an hour later, freshly-shaven and suitably-dressed, Dwight arrived downstairs for breakfast. The dining room was quiet, naturally, given it wasn’t even eight o’clock yet. His eyes searched the room for a familiar face, and he noticed Demelza’s fiery curls sitting at a table near the back. Making his way there, he passed Morwenna, Drake and Joy having breakfast together at a small table. They exchanged warm smiles and Dwight blew a quick raspberry on Joy’s cheek before promising to catch up with the Carnes later.

“Morning all,” he greeted as he pulled out a chair to sit down. “How are we all this morning?” he asked with a chuckle, feeling he already knew the answer.

“I think I might actually fucking die,” Francis groaned roughly, staring miserably at his untouched scrambled eggs on toast. He pressed the heel of his hands to his forehead. “Elizabeth, why did you let me drink so much?”

“I drank a bit too much myself,” came Elizabeth’s hoarse reply. “I’m starting to feel a bit better now that I’ve eaten though. You should have some toast, Francis.”

Francis shook his head firmly at the mere thought of consuming food. His tired, half-shut eyes met Dwight’s. “How are you, mate?”

“Surprisingly fresh,” Dwight admitted. “It’s amazing what a shower can do!”

“Amen to that,” Ross echoed, cutting a hash brown in half. “I feel completely sober and fresh after a shower. How are you doing, love?” he asked Demelza, who always suffered from terrible hangovers.

“Okay,” she said cautiously, as though trying to convince herself. “I think I’m just tired. I’ll probably go for a sleep in the car on the way home.”

“Mummy, when we go home?” Julia asked as she ceased eating her bowl of cheerios.

“Soon, my lamb,” Demelza answered, cutting into her poached eggs on toast.

“When?”

Demelza sighed wearily. “In a few hours, sweetheart,” Ross elaborated. “You can play with your cousin for a while,” he offered, glancing over to Drake and Morwenna’s table.

Julia seemed very happy with this offer and resumed silently eating her cereal and colouring in her new colouring book, which had been the most incredible distraction both last night and this morning. Demelza made a mental note to google the creator of colouring books and lay some flowers at their grave one day.

“Morning everyone,” Caroline greeted evenly as she entered the dining room. Her face was fresh and make-up free, her hair tied loosely into a messy bun and she wore a fleece and some black sweatpants.

“Oh, my God, that looks so cosy,” Demelza gushed with envy, now wishing she had brought her favourite loungewear with her.

Caroline briefly wrapped her arms around herself, giving herself a quick hug, enjoying the soft fleece of the sleeves against her bare arms. “It is.” She pulled out a chair opposite Dwight and reached for a bowl and some fruit.

A teasing smile spread across Ross’ face. “Doesn’t Dwight have a similar one, too?” He wondered aloud between mouthfuls of his breakfast being silenced by an under-the-table kick from both Dwight and Demelza.

“Perhaps my incredible fashion sense has infected you from across the hall,” Dwight offered casually, shooting a teasing look at Caroline.

She tossed her hair in retort. “You wish, Dr Enys,” she scoffed lightly. “I got it in a vintage shop a few weeks ago, actually. Regardless, I think we can all agree I wear this look better,” she said as she stabbed her fork into her fruit salad.

Dwight masked his smirk with a bite of toast - he knew full well it was, in fact, his jumper. He had been wondering where it had gone just last week. Their eyes met and she winked at him.

Elizabeth took a sip of orange juice, frowning and wincing when she realised it had bits in it. “Caroline?” she said across the table. Caroline looked at her, her eyes curious. “I went by your room last night, but you didn’t answer.”

“What time did you knock?” Caroline asked smoothly, while Dwight inwardly begged his ears to stop burning. She reached for a slice of toast from the middle of the rack and began to butter it.

Elizabeth contemplated Caroline’s question for a moment. “Around midnight, I think. It wasn’t like you to leave a party so early, so I just wanted to check if you were okay,” she explained with a gentle smile.

“Aww,” Caroline said, genuinely a bit touched by the gesture. It was really quite lovely to have friends. “That’s so sweet, Elizabeth. But I’m fine, I was fine, just a bit hammered. I was probably just fast asleep.”

“Or not...,” inferred Ross quietly under his breath, which earned him a glare from Dwight.

“Stop it,” he hissed in warning, meeting his best friend’s eyes.

Ross simply chuckled and continued eating his mammoth sized cooked breakfast. Dwight’s stomach swirled uneasily. He couldn’t understand how people could eat such greasy food so early in the morning. Toast, on the other hand, was an entirely different matter, and Dwight could easily polish away an entire loaf of bread if he wanted to.

“Unca Dwight?” Julia piped up, her hazel eyes round and innocent as she looked at her unofficial uncle.

Dwight looked at her expectantly, a soft smile on his face. “Yes, sweetheart?” He took a bite of buttery toast.

Julia broke their gaze to resume colouring in a fox, which happened to be purple and green and resembled an alien as opposed to a mammal. “Do I get to say ‘aunt Cawoline’ to Cawoline now?” she asked with a casual innocence.

Silence fell across the large table. Demelza’s eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open slightly, Ross attempted to stifle his laughter, Dwight had seemingly turned to stone and Caroline stared at her bowl of fruit with undying interest. Perhaps a two-year-old cannot be trusted with a secret after all, Demelza mourned guiltily.

“What’s this?” Elizabeth asked eagerly, loving to hear a bit of gossip. “Caroline? Dwight?”

When neither of them answered, Ross announced, with unbridled glee at the day’s turn of events, “Dwight and Caroline are a couple.”

“Awww! Congratulations, that’s so lovely!” Elizabeth gushed. “Isn’t it lovely, Francis?”

“Spectacular,” Francis mumbled, his spinning head resting on his folded arms as he stared at the pine of the table.

“What’s spectacular?” Drake asked as he approached the table, having heard Elizabeth’s excitement.

“Dwight and Caroline are together,” Demelza chimed in with a bright smile.

“Nice!” Drake commented as he grinned at them both and beckoned Morwenna over.

“So I guess we are just telling everyone now,” Dwight said quietly, laughing, blushing.

“Is that a problem, Dr Enys? Are you ashamed of me?” Caroline challenged him. Her expression was the epitome of nonchalance and teasing but there was a hint of seriousness in her eyes.

Dwight smiled softly. “Of course not,” he murmured sincerely, holding her gaze.

Retching noises came from the direction of Ross Poldark. “Eugh. I feel like I’m in a teenage romcom,” he taunted.

“As you can tell, Ross is the epitome of romance and I am a very lucky woman,” Demelza joked to the breakfast table, causing a chorus of laughter to echo in the large room.

“What’s all the commotion about?” asked Morwenna with a smile as she came to stand beside Drake, with little Joy sitting peacefully on her hip.

“Caroline and I are seeing each other,” Dwight explained, a bashful blush appearing on his cheeks.

Morwenna looked at them both with such a genuine grin of excitement that Caroline immediately felt ashamed for the bad feelings she had briefly harboured towards the young woman. She also lamented that Grey’s Anatomy boxset she had thrown away out of spite that day. “Aww, that’s lovely. We must congratulate uncle Dwight, mustn’t we, my love?” she told Joy, moving round the back of the table to give Dwight a quick kiss on the cheek.

Joy melted into Dwight’s shoulder for a hug before Dwight then manoeuvred her to rest on his knee, where he encouraged her to practice standing up. The baby stretched an arm out across the table in Caroline’s direction. “Oop! It looks like someone’s got her eye on your watermelon, Caroline,” Dwight pointed out with a laugh as he bounced Joy lightly on his knee.

“Well, she’ll just have to look elsewhere because it’s mine,” Caroline said seriously, to which everyone laughed. She glanced at the baby, who was admittedly almost too cute to believe, with a degree of unease as the infant stared back at her. Caroline had almost no experience of dealing with children or babies and had no idea how to communicate with them. Should she give Joy some of her watermelon? Can babies with so few teeth even eat watermelon? Horace isn’t allowed.

Caroline’s glance flickered to Morwenna. “Can- does she- should I give her some?”

Morwenna smiled and shook her head slightly. “It’s alright, she’s just eaten,” she answered softly, moving to take her daughter from Dwight. “Someone is just being greedy!” she cooed, tickling her tummy.

The rest of the morning went smoothly, almost the entire wedding party electing to stay at the breakfast table to chat, which resulted in many hastily packed suitcases and rushed showers.

Dwight Enys 10:45am

Ready to check out? X

Caroline Penvenen 10:47am

Almost! You haven’t seen my earrings, have you? Xx

Dwight Enys 10:47am

Yeah you left them in my room, I’ve put them in my bag xx

Caroline Penvenen 10:48am

I hope you wrapped them nicely in something, they’re Chanel!! If they’re broken you owe me a new pair Dr Enys xx

Dwight Enys 10:48am

Well it’s a good thing I know how to harvest organs then xx

Caroline Pevenen 10:49am

You’re such a geek xx

I’m outside your room btw, I require your assistance with my massive suitcase x

Dwight locked his phone and grabbed his own small suitcase, tapping all of his pockets in search of his room key on his way towards the door before remembering that he put it in his wallet. He opened the door and sure enough, Caroline was standing there and had put on her signature pink lipstick since he last saw her. He stared at her for a moment and she smirked at him, as though able to hear his thoughts. He then regained his cool and mocked: “does milady need help with her luggage?”

Caroline rolled her eyes theatrically but failed to contain a smile. She curtsied in reply. “Yes, please, thank you, Sir,” she teased, her tone overtly prim and proper.

~~~~~~~

Caroline sighed heavily as the beautiful manor house grew smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror of Dwight’s car. “I wish this weekend didn’t have to end.”

Dwight smiled as he turned the radio down a notch, before joining in her in a somewhat sad sigh. “I know, me too. It was lovely,” he glanced sideways at her, taking his eyes off the road long enough to note the smile in her eyes as she looked at him in agreement. “It doesn’t have to end, you know,” he continued, not aware of the words coming out of his mouth. “I mean, the weekend has to end, but the loveliness doesn’t: you could just come with me to all the future weddings I get invited to – and any other events.”

“Is this a proposal?” Caroline taunted mischievously.

“What?!” Dwight spluttered, nearly veering off the road. “No! No, no. No, it’s not,” he stammered, his hands gripping the wheel. “I- I just meant that it might be nice if you wanted to do something like this again. It’s fine if you don’t – completely fine – it’s up to you, I was just saying– shit, I’m sorry you must think I’m–“

“Dwight!” Caroline interjected, laughing tenderly at how tongue-tied he’d become. “I was joking.” She put her hand on top of his, which gripped the gear stick, and squeezed it for reassurance. “I’d love to – do something like this again, that is,” she added pointedly, her lips curved into a gleaming smile, her eyes laughing at him.

He chuckled and smiled warmly at her. The world narrowed down to the feel of her hand on top of his. He noted that her bare left hand rested comfortably on her thigh.

One day, Dwight thought wistfully. But for now, her company, the soft hum of the radio, the morning winter sunshine and the warm, companionable silence that filled the air between them, was all that he needed

#poldark #poldark fanfic #carolight #girl next door au

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tamersa · 6 years ago

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EiAn all the numbers, couse you can't write them still in romantic way so do it here XD

its not my fault that my brain needs 30 chapters prologue to silly fluff slashes...but for the questions:1) who can outdrink the other?Ankh, but he overdoes it and in the end they both are unconscious and a mess.2) who says “I love you” more?Ankh. he likes to remind this to Eiji as often as he can. Mostly those are sudden whispers.3) who has trouble sleeping alone?Eiji. After all he went trough he feels safe, when there is someone with sharp senses and be able to warn about any danger in time.4) who swears more?Ankh in literally sense, But Eiji can use eloquent words when he is really pissed of (from the time he was more with his family) that even worst swear is nothing compared to it.5) who does more of the housework?None. They travel so much there are rare moments not be into hotels etc, where is service for that. No housework in the wild too.6) who forgets their anniversary?Eiji, but Ankh is forgiving surprisingly because Eiji sometimes forgets what month it is (especially when caught in to much helping others)7) who steals the duvet in their sleep?None. Eiji always have it because Ankh with his bird like physiology is warm enough. Eiji use him as nigh heater sometimes tho.8) who keeps the other awake at night with their snoring?Eiji must be exhausted to snore, but at that times Ankh wouldn’t sleep anyway, to observe the dumbass, if everything is ok.9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?Ankh, but he is not begging, just take care of them on his own. He doesn’t let Eiji near them because of human smell etc.10) who usually makes dinner?At first Eiji, but later Ankh learned how to do it, and because he has more free time, he makes the food.because his senses are top notch now it is quite tasty.11) who plays their music out loud?Ankh. It is mostly instrumental, but some songs have more savage tunes and then Eiji has to apologise everyone around. Ankh wont because for him they should be glad to listen to good music.12) who hogs the bathroom?None. Eiji does the basic hygiene and ankh can shift his appearance on sheer will. but once they hoarded jakuzzi for few hours.13) who gives the most compliments?Eiji. He has problems with sharing emotions, but was raised how to give compliments and use this knowledge to his advantage when he wants something form Ankh and no ice cream are in the reach (yes that peacock trait can be used for good sometimes)14) who usually starts/causes arguments between them?Technically Ankh, but many times it is because stupid shit Eiji pulled of so for him it is that Eiji started those.15) who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public?none existing issues. Both don’t care about it. Ankh does what he want. Eiji wasn't ashamed being only in underpants in public so...16) who gives the other cringeworthy pet names?Eiji. He is doing it mostly to get Ankh attention when the other one isn’t interested in something. Ankh remembers them all of course.17) who fusses over takes care of the other when they get sick?Ankh. He doesn't get sick physically and Eiji pulls many stunts (more than before because he knows he has good back up) that ends him in a bed. Ankh will take care of him nagging all the time. He is pro with it now.18) who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long?Eiji. He spend too long time wanting Bird Greeed back to sulk over silly things.Ankh longest sulk lasted for 4 days (but he still took care of the dumbass because he was super sick and injured back then).19) who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared?Ankh. Eiji likes to be close when sad but Ankh is more sensual. He literally hangs on on him. Eiji doesn’t mind.He is happy having him near to me honest.20) who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…)Ankh. He wants to feel Eiji with all of his senses hehehe.

#ask meme #princess-sas

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dangerscully · 6 years ago

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Yesterday I was asked to elaborate on my thoughts on All About Eve, having been lucky enough to see it on Wednesday evening - the first night after the press night.

First off - I haven’t seen the film yet. I’ve heard that it keeps a lot of the script and ideas the same, but as of yet I can’t comment on those similarities or differences.

This turned itself into a long post and I accept no responsibility for that.

Spoilers below the cut. (If the cut doesn’t work on mobile and you want to avoid spoilers, now’s the time to scroll quickly down).

I’m gonna go all in here and start with a seriously unpopular opinion.

I didn’t particularly enjoy Gillian Anderson’s Streetcar performance. I found it largely cringeworthy.

I acknowledge that it was good. But it was so melodramatic - and yes I know that’s what the role demands! - that it made me uncomfortable because I was constantly aware that I watching Gillian with a capital G perform it, something that she’s an expert in making the audience forget, usually.

And a large part of my discomfort could well be thanks to the fact that I watched it via NTLive, rather than in person. I had a similar experience watching David Tennant in a televised performance of a stage production of Macbeth, and yet I found him incredible on stage in Don Juan in an equally hammy role.

But anyway, I digress. I went in with lowered, slightly nervous expectations, due to this.

Gillian Anderson. The main reason I attended the play, let’s be totally honest here. And boy did she deliver. A masterclass in acting, from subtleties to quiet melodrama.

And now that part has been said, the main reason that most of you will have clicked through(!), lets go a little deeper into the show.

***

All About Eve is a hybrid between a theatre production and a cinematic one. It is done through the very clever use of camerawork that is projected live onto the lifted back wall of the stage, allowing action to happen off-stage while still enabling the audience to experience it live.

Over time, actors have found themselves having less of a restriction about into which box they categorise themselves. Film? Theatre? TV? Choose one - you can’t have more than one field! Luckily that is less so now, and Ivo Van Hove’s production is a way of celebrating that.

The live camerawork and editing is done so impressively and seamlessly that it’s almost unbelievable at times that you’re watching a live, single take of these scenes. It also allows for new ways for each performance to be slightly different each night. And it melds the intimacy of watching a live performance on stage, with the different kind of intimacy allowed by close-up, slow shots.

It’s also a great nod to the voyeurism and a lack of privacy that is a key theme in the show, thanks to fan culture. Scenes behind literal closed doors are still shown in detail to the audience.

And that live camerawork begins in the very first scene. Addison takes the stage, to introduce you to the story. And after a brief monologue, he walks off stage, with the camera following him. He is projected onto the empty stage, while he walks around “backstage”, introducing you to many of the characters and setting the scene.

I found that so innovative. And immediately impressive as a single take one-shot. (It had a very Birdman vibe to it!) The audience is told from the very first scene that cameras are going to be an important part of the play. This scene was the last minute addition that was not in any of the previews, and I’m so glad that they put it in. Hopefully it will be kept!

Coming to the play from a fandom perspective - although I’ve taken a fairly healthy step back in recent months - felt hilariously meta. So much of the obsessive, embarrassing behaviour exhibited by Eve towards Margo was recognisable in more extreme areas of this fandom! We didn’t queue up for the signing on Wednesday (the jury’s out on whether or not we will do the second time we see it) but we did feel - probably unfairly - a sense of irony as we walked back to the tube station past the long queue of fans waiting to meet the cast of a play that is essentially about the dangers of obsessive fan behaviour!

My favourite scene was, perhaps (lol) unsurprisingly, one of Gillian’s. And she’s not even the focal point of the scene. She is off-stage, in the bathroom which is totally shielded from the audience. And while a scene plays out on stage, a projection of Gillian in a very Blanche-esque moment - despite having no dialogue - absolutely steals the scene via a single-camera projection that ends in a graphic display of vomiting.

Another particularly memorable scene happened again in the bathroom. This time, a two-camera set-up was used, increasing the feel of watching a film or tv show even more, as it cuts between Karen and Eve’s faces as they have a crucial confrontation in the bathroom.

Karen. Karen Karen Karen. Monica Dolan, wow. Really, honestly incredible. No real words beyond that. This feels a particularly ineloquent reaction but she blew me away.

I’m gonna go back to the camerawork now; yes I keep focusing on it but it’s such an integral part of the overall production. After several live action projections from the same angle, we are greeted with a projection of Margo looking into the mirror, facing fears about her age and how it is affecting her career. Slowly, the projection shows her ageing. And it almost tricks the audience’s eye in that it takes a while to even realise that this projection isn’t actually a live one!

A similar CGI projection is used later in the show, to show Eve’s face transforming into Margo’s as she slowly takes over her life. It’s a simple concept, used over and over again in film and TV, but bringing it to a theatre stage was a new and exciting use for it.

I’m a big fan of PJ Harvey’s music. The music for this show was more like an atmospheric film score than a theatre score for a lot of it, again blurring the lines between a stage and screen production.

A lot of hype has been built up for Gillian and Lily’s moments of singing. Gillian was surprisingly good! You can tell she’s not a trained singer, but given that she is highly intoxicated at the point she takes the metaphorical mic, that doesn’t matter at all, and she still hits all of the notes in an authentic way.

Lily James, of course, has more of a musical background, but her performance was still to me, more lacking overall. I did listen to a podcast that said that PJ Harvey heard that Lily is able to play the piano, so planned her song around that. Lily is then asked about it on the podcast, and laughs that she’s not played since school and it must have been something she told a white lie about to embellish her acting CV! And fair play to her, she pulls it off very well if that’s the case!

I don’t want to write a totally unbiased review, so I’ll touch on the aspects I was less impressed with. My main criticism of the first half in particular, was the number of jumps, in both time and location, without any real indication given to the audience. The set remained the same, and the time jump could apparently happen mid-dialogue. It’ll be interesting to see if it’s easier to keep track of this next time I see the show.

It would have also been cool to see a more modern take on obsessive fan culture. There’s plenty of research material for that around these days! Social media creates armies of fans, obsessing over minor details about a celebrity’s life in ways that weren’t as widely possible when the script was originally written.

Lots of the reviews have criticised the fact that Ivo was trying to be “too clever” while putting this show together. And it could easily be argued that they have a point. Personally, I think it works, and as such the idea of it being “too” clever is voided. But it’s understandable that people may agree with the critics on this.

***

I think that’s most of what I have to say about the show! Given the number of changes that happened during the preview run (which, please remember, is essentially just a series of rehearsals to an audience), it will be interesting to see if the show develops any further. I will be seeing it again in April, over two months away, and I’m looking forward to comparing the two!

#all about eve #gillian anderson #all about eve spoilers #lily james

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seyaryminamoto · 7 years ago

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Azula Ship Challenge: Day 3 - You Miscalculated

OTP: Sokkla ; BroTP: Azula & Mai

Rated: T

Weddings were supposed to be the most blissful events of all, where everyone was excited to see the happy couple committing to each other forever. There was dancing, drinking, feasting, as many wonderful things as there could be, in order to celebrate the happy union.

Some people were clearly enjoying this wedding. The Jasmine Dragon was the celebration venue, and Iroh was showing off his skills with the tsungi horn while excited couples danced to his beat. Toph was quite busy gobbling down food and showing her bending skills to any admirers who were star-struck by her talent and beauty. Zuko was red in the face, perhaps because he’d already had too much to drink, and beside him, Suki couldn’t seem to stop smiling as she draped an arm around his waist. She had convinced him to dance with her briefly, and while the Fire Lord had been embarrassed to do it, he had done it for her anyways. They were the epitome of a happy couple.

Hakoda as well was quite pleased, joking and laughing with his new son-in-law. Aang had never smiled more brightly, not ever, and Katara had been thrilled too that her father and husband would be bonding as they were. Ty Lee had snuck up on her, though, and the two girls were talking about all the efforts Katara had made to ensure the wedding would be just as she had dreamed of it.

Everything would seem perfect, if you didn’t account for the two moping, miserable people at opposite ends of the shop. Mai sat by the bar, sipping on sake silently and wondering if the drink’s effects would ever kick in properly. Maybe when it did she would stop feeling distraught at the sight of Zuko happily entangled with Suki.

The pair had only been together for a couple of months, and they were happier than Mai ever remembered being with Zuko. She didn’t really understand why, but she had the painful notion that somehow, Suki had always been better suited for Zuko than her. Maybe he had needed someone with a gentler heart, maybe Mai just wasn’t what he needed. Or maybe she was… but Zuko didn��t want her anymore, anyways. They had rekindled their love after the conflict with the New Ozai Society, but it had fallen apart all over again after years of struggling with the same problems that had always caused their break-ups. Zuko loved her, but he hadn’t changed: he still didn’t want to burden her with his problems, and Mai still had no patience for his reserved behavior.

It hadn’t been over two months after their final break-up that Zuko and Suki had told everyone they were an item. Mai had been shocked, having thought Suki and Sokka were still together. But as she gazed across the room at the miserable councilman, who had grabbed a bottle of sake of his own, it became apparent that the story between those two might have been eerily similar to the one between Mai and Zuko.

She never thought she’d feel bad for Sokka, of all people, but she found she did. Of all those in attendance today, he was likely the only one who understood just how depressing this large reunion could be.

“You should get even, you know. Hook up with him?”

Mai cringed at the sound of that voice beside her. She glared at Azula, who was smirking mischievously at her.

“No, thank you,” she snapped. “He’s not my type.”

“Which should be a good thing,” said Azula, her smirk widening. “Your type leaves a lot to be desired, Mai. First Zuzu, then that loser, Kei Lo…”

“Shut up,” Mai snapped. Azula smiled and looked at her sympathetically.

“Come on, Mai. You’re really going to spend all the evening drinking and doing nothing to get back at my brother for dumping you for her? Truly, your lack of initiative is baffling. Where’s the girl who betrayed me openly, risking death just to save that fool’s sorry ass?”

Mai sighed and shook her head. She glared at herself in the reflection of her drink.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve asked myself the same question.”

Azula frowned. Mai’s disappointment towards herself seemed to be eating at her. Maybe she was feeling worse than Azula realized…

“Do you want to… talk about it?” she asked, awkwardly. Mai scoffed.

“If I did, I don’t think I would talk about it with you,” she said, skeptical. “Not to mention, I’m dead sure you don’t care to hear this. If you do, it’s only to mock me for being pathetic.”

“Now, now, Mai, you know full well that I’ve always had high hopes for you,” said Azula, sitting beside her former friend. “I thought we would become sisters, in time. I hoped for it, even. Being sisters-in-law with the Kyoshi Warrior grosses me out more than watching the blind earthbender picking her nose.”

Mai sighed and shook her head.

“You don’t have a choice, though” said Mai “It’s Zuko’s life, and we don’t get to choose whom he dates. Not anymore. Truly, Azula, he’s hurt me enough that even if he wanted to get back together with me, I’d reject him for good this time. I’m done with being your brother’s wallflower.”

Azula gritted her teeth and lowered her gaze. Mai sipped her sake and finished the glass, pouring some more of the liquor for herself, without offering any to Azula.

“I can’t argue with that. I wouldn’t want you to be unhappy,” she said, with a sing-song voice that Mai interpreted as sarcastic. “Nevertheless… why not some payback, Mai? The water peasant is moping back there, so miserable… you really could get back at Zuko’s new wallflower this way, couldn’t you?”

“I don’t care to, Azula,” said Mai, huffing. “Unlike you, making other people miserable isn’t my hobby.”

“You say it like it’s such an awful thing,” Azula smirked. “Please. It’s just a bit of fun. Healthy, wholesome fun…”

“At the expenses of your brother? How is that healthy or wholesome?”

“How is it not?” Azula asked, raising her eyebrows. Mai sighed.

“Some things never change. Doesn’t matter if he forgave you, doesn’t matter if the Avatar thinks you’re trustworthy for some reason… you just won’t ever stop tormenting him, will you?”

“Well, in all fairness, I’m trying to convince you to be the tormentor this time,” Azula said. Mai snorted.

“So you can sit back and enjoy the show? What is it, are you that bored?”

“Possibly,” said Azula, glancing about herself and watching the many guests dancing, eating and drinking.

Air Acolytes were chatting with the Earth Kingdom boys who Azula recognized as former members of the Day of Black Sun invasion force, and the metalbending students from Beifong’s Academy were busy trying to make a demonstration for many wide-eyed spectators. Iroh was laughing now as an older woman, with some gold ornaments on her hair, complimented him for his singing. Aang and Katara were kissing, and Zuko was listening to something Suki was whispering in his ear. Azula huffed and shook her head.

“Truth be told, it’s all cringeworthy,” she said. “So many people, all of them the picture of absolute bliss… I can barely stand looking at them.”

“You want to make everyone else as unhappy as you are?” Mai asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe,” said Azula. “Or maybe what passes for entertainment for the lesser minds just won’t cut it for me. Dancing, watching as some rookies bend coins, sighing because the happy couple is oh so beautiful? Give me a break.”

“So you just hate to see people so carelessly happy, huh?” said Mai, smiling a little. “I suppose that’s one of the reasons why we got along in the first place. We were never the types to enjoy conventional socializing…”

“Which is why I’m aching to see you go for it, Mai,” said Azula, almost begging her now. “You know he deserves it…”

“I know I have better things to do with my time than piss off your brother, or listen to you,” said Mai.

“Sure. And that’s why you’re sitting here, alone, drinking sake.”

“That’s indeed a better thing to do, whether you realize it or not,” said Mai. Azula snorted.

“You’re just a coward. You don’t think he’ll go for it,” said Azula. “He’s a smart guy, you realize. I’m sure he would agree to it, if you conveyed your true purpose…”

“I am not interested, Azula,” said Mai. “Besides, if you’re so bored and so eager to see someone hooking up with Sokka, why don’t you do it yourself?”

“Me?” Azula asked, raising her eyebrows. “Well…”

“Are you still hopeless with men, perhaps?” Mai asked, a small smirk appearing on her face. Azula frowned.

“You should learn to hold your tongue once in a while, Mai. You never know when someone will cut it off, or burn it down, either way,” said Azula, shaking head. “Fine, if you’re that much of a coward, I’ll do it myself. It may just offer me some entertainment from this pointless party, after all.”

“Good luck,” said Mai, her smirk widening. Azula shook her head again and made her way across the room. Mai’s sharp eyes followed her as she took off.

The Princess of the Fire Nation strode confidently towards the man sitting on a windowsill. He was gazing outside with a wistful look on his face, and given that there was no one within three meters near him, it seemed nobody was going to bother approaching him while he was drinking his woes away. Azula stopped beside him, with a sly smirk.

“I do hope you’re not contemplating jumping from here. It’s only the second floor, you’d never die from just that.”

“Huh, came to give me advice on how to kill myself?” Sokka asked, looking at her skeptically before pointing a finger at her “I’ll have you know… I wouldn’t kill myself. I mean, I won’t. It’s just too noisy over there with everyone else, you know?”

“Oh, tell me about it,” said Azula, sitting at the other end of the windowsill, looking at him skeptically. “I’ve been trying to avoid most everyone for the same reason. I’m glad there’s still someone sensible around these parts… you always were the one with the brains, clearly.”

“Not brainy enough to end things with Suki when I should have, though…” he whispered. Azula raised an eyebrow.

“Did she… cheat on you?” she asked, tentatively. Sokka scoffed and dropped his head against the wooden window frame.

“Nah. Well… maybe. Might have cheated on me with her imagination, you know?” said Sokka, shrugging. “I could tell she fancied him, but I thought it was a passing thing. I figured she’d get over it, you know? She was with me, after all. But, heh, nah. No way. Zuko’s so much better than me anyways…”

“Better than you at what?” Azula asked, looking at Sokka skeptically. “Last I looked, he has half a face and half a brain, whereas you happen to have a decent-looking face and a surprisingly good brain, so…”

“Woah, woah, woah… are you flirting with me, Princess?” Sokka asked, a slow smirk spreading on his face. Azula tensed up, her cheeks reddening before she could help it.

“I… could be. If I were, would you go for it?” she asked. Sokka snorted and laughed before sighing sadly and shaking his head.

“Probably not. Wound’s still too sore. Come back in like, uh, a month or two?” he asked. Azula smiled and shrugged.

“If you want me to, I might. But alas… it’s kind of boring to wait that long when we can cause a scene right here and now.”

Sokka frowned and Azula smirked. He huffed and looked at her with disappointment.

“Yeah, I knew you couldn’t like me that much,” he said. “You’re just trying to have fun at everyone’s expenses, aren’t you?”

“Now, don’t be so dramatic, only at my brother’s,” she said, beaming. Sokka chuckled.

“Yeah, well… it’s still my sister’s wedding and she’s still going to be really upset if I do anything stupid with you. I don’t want to ruin her day just to piss off Zuko,” he said. Azula scowled.

“Really, first Mai and now you? What is it with you people and your morals?” she said, shaking her head. Sokka laughed again.

“Yeah, truth be told, I wonder the same thing sometimes,” he said, glancing down at the lights in the city during the nighttime. He sighed. “Why the hell do I even bother? No one’s sparing my feelings, so why do I spare theirs? But at the end of the day… I guess it’s just because I care about them. Even though Suki dumped me for Zuko, I still don’t want them to be unhappy…”

“Well, you’re a fool,” she said. Sokka smiled.

“Agreed,” he said, lifting his bottle towards her before taking another swig.

“You’re sentencing yourself to smiling awkwardly and sitting through weddings and weddings, pained by how everyone’s finding a significant other except for you, and watching how others go through several lovers, even, while you sit there wondering what on earth is wrong with you,” Azula determined, glancing out the window too.

Sokka frowned and glanced at her. He wasn’t quite drunk yet, so he was sharp enough to realize that Azula, the ruthless Princess, wasn’t the type to display this much empathy towards anyone. Was she being empathic at all? Or…

“That’s how you feel?” he asked. She cringed. “Well… now you’re not alone in that, I guess…”

“Heh, small comfort, the one fool who understands me is the one who refuses to do anything about it,” she said, with a small grin. She tried to steer the conversation away from her feelings, though. She didn’t come here to quell her loneliness, just to have a bit of fun.

“Come on, really… you just want to rile them up and it’ll cause a scene, and a scandal, and my dad’s right there, you know?” said Sokka, grimacing. “Things are bad enough as it is…”

“No, things are only bad for you, for me and for Mai,” said Azula, raising her eyebrows. Sokka’s eyebrow twitched. “They could get better for us if we make everyone else miserable, for a change.”

“What does Mai have to do with this?” he asked. Azula shrugged. “Azula?”

“I may have told her to do what I’m doing now,” she said. Sokka snorted. “What? It’s not my fault she didn’t have the guts. Kept saying you weren’t her type… well, you’re better than her type, seeing how her type is my brother, so…”

“You’re probably the only one who thinks that” said Sokka, smiling weakly. Azula smirked.

“Well, that’s exactly why you to take me into your arms right now and kiss me for everyone here to see. I assure you, the scandal will be most amusing…”

“You really are into this, huh?” said Sokka, chuckling. “Why? Been that long since you were last kissed?”

“That is neither here nor there,” she snapped. Sokka laughed.

“You really thrive off chaos, then,” he said, smiling at her. “Part of me is kind of intrigued about what might happen, I can’t lie. But…”

“But it might be messy, yes,” said Azula, truthfully. “Still… have you ever heard of a good party that didn’t have a surprising development? Predictable, boring parties like these… they aren’t memorable, are they?”

“Not really, I guess,” Sokka agreed, chuckling. “Goodness, am I really considering this? Maybe the alcohol is getting to me.”

“Or maybe your natural curiosity is,” said Azula, smirking. “Come on, what’s one kiss? We obviously won’t need to do more than that…”

“I know, I know…” said Sokka, sighing. “It’s still a little scary.”

“A brave guy like you, daunted by something as silly as kissing a girl?” she asked, with a mischievous smile. Sokka smirked.

“A girl, you say. You’re a woman, Azula, and a very dangerous one at that,” he said. She smiled proudly.

“Now, really, you flatterer… I’m already offering to kiss you, you don’t need to butter me up like that,” she said. He laughed as he set down his bottle, running his free hand through his hair and looking at her in disbelief.

“I do have fair reasons to be scared, but… really, what’s the worst they could do to us?” he said.

“People always do crazy things in weddings, after all,” Azula said, enigmatically. Sokka snickered.

“They do indeed,” he said.

They were leaning closer to one another on that windowsill. As they fell silent they grew conscious of the short distance between them, but they didn’t pull away. Azula’s smile waned, though, and she looked at him meaningfully.

“Well?” she asked. Sokka smiled.

“One kiss.”

She smiled again. He leaned closer, readying himself to kiss the lips of a new girl, for the first time in years.

He touched her softly with his mouth before pressing his lips to hers. Azula felt herself growing nervous momentarily, acutely aware of the fact that she was being kissed in public. That had never happened before. Her heart pounded in her chest as she responded almost shyly, wishing she weren’t feeling overwhelmed by the circumstances. That way she might actually do a good job at this…

Sokka pulled away, and Azula felt the urge to keep going. It had been far too brief, and she really wanted to do better. He would be disappointed, surely…

She opened her eyes to find him staring at her. His cheeks were red, and it didn’t seem to be because of his drinking.

“Uh…” he said, clearing his throat and glancing around them.

Nobody had noticed them. He grimaced, his face falling.

“Are we that easy to ignore?” he asked, his eyebrow twitching as he looked at Azula. She was blushing too, and she sighed in defeat.

“I guess?” she said, before smiling a little. “Well, it was worth the effort…”

“Oh, no, you’re not getting out of this just like that,” Sokka said, pointing a finger at her. Azula stared at it with raised eyebrows before looking at him.

“Come again?”

“Oh yeah, I sure am going to do it again,” he said. Azula’s eyes widened.

“W-wait, you are?” she asked. He blushed again, but nodded.

“You promised me a scandal. Well, a scandal it is!” he said.

He raised a hand and cupped her face with it. Azula’s face was burning by now.

“Unless you’re going to let this party stay boring, of course…?” Sokka asked. Azula gulped.

“Are you sure you don’t want another round just because you miss kissing someone?”

“Is that any reason to stop doing this?” he asked, looking at her with unease. “Sure, if you want to stop we can stop, but…”

“I’m just… surprised you’d do it again,” she admitted. Sokka chuckled.

“Well, maybe I did miss kissing someone. But I think I like that it’s you, I’ll admit… There’s something thrilling about it, somehow.”

Azula lowered her gaze but couldn’t keep from smiling. Well, if he liked kissing her so much, why not make the most of it?

“I felt the same way, but of course, it could have been just because we’re doing something so very wrong…” she said. Sokka chuckled.

“Well, I don’t mind doing wrong things with you. It’s certainly making this party a lot livelier,” he said.

She smiled with uncertainty as he leaned closer again, his head cocked to the side. He didn’t interrupt their eye contact even as their noses brushed again. Azula’s hand found its way to his neck, and she closed her eyes as she brought their lips together once more. Sokka hummed, and Azula sighed. It was strangely pleasant, closing their eyes and wandering into this crazy, light-hearted entanglement. At least they worked well together, it seemed. Sokka angled his head expertly, knowing just how to capture her lips with his own, allowing her breath to seep between the small gap them so he could breathe it in.

He decided to dare tease her with his tongue, letting it slip between his lips and to touch hers, not expecting her to imitate him, or to go further as she deepened the kiss fully. Her tongue was the one teasing his, and he responded by humming and changing his angle again.

He wasn’t surprised when she would bite him lightly: he couldn’t have expected otherwise from Azula. He responded likewise, and got a moan in return for his troubles. Her fingers were sliding over the side of his head, brushing the short hairs and reaching to massage his scalp gently. He allowed his hand to move to her waist, where it settled for now even as he felt the urge to touch her more daringly. The kiss was already all-consuming, though, and it was easy to lose himself in the way their mouths mingled together.

She had never enjoyed a kiss quite like this one. It wasn’t a kiss under false pretenses: she knew why they were kissing, and so did he. But they were completely into it, discovering in each other a remarkable kissing partner. Inevitably, Azula wondered if this could escalate any further: weddings were supposed to be the best way to find one-night-stands, from what many people had claimed. Was he going to be one for her? If he was as good at sex as he was at kissing, she wouldn’t mind that.

Her body started to burn with the longing for more. Wanting him to touch her in all her private places, to forsake all his gentlemanliness and take her as she was, filling her with himself and giving her his best performance… as those thoughts materialized in her mind, Azula leaned closer and closer to Sokka, soft and inciting moans leaving her throat. She wanted to feel him, to take this to new heights…

Her sounds were driving him mad, he realized, as his body started reacting to hers in all the right ways. He wanted more, too, and he dared reach for it. The hand on her waist slid further back, palming her lower back before moving to her bottom. Azula’s approving hum made Sokka smile between kisses, and he decided to caress her further, as she seemed to like it so much.

Her hand found his, the one at her neck, and she guided it downwards. Sokka gasped, knowing what the Princess was doing, and knowing he would gladly touch her breast, but here? Now? Sure, he was already touching her ass, but wouldn’t that be too much?

She didn’t seem to think so, though. Wherever he touched her, fire burned in the most pleasant of ways. She wanted more. She needed to feel him closer than this, with no clothes, no restraints, no irksome onlookers who might intrude…

“What the…? HEY!”

Katara’s voice barely fazed them, busy as they were with their lips locked. Sokka was shifting closer to Azula, his groin sending him a very specific message about what he ought to do next, but when a hand yanked him away from Azula he was forced to forsake his organ’s orders.

He fell inside the room, knocking over the liquor bottle and feeling a terrible sensation of loss when Azula’s delectable, full lips were no longer pressed against his. It took him a moment to register that he had bumped his head on the floor.

He grimaced and pushed himself up weakly as Azula stood from the windowsill, not knowing why on earth did she feel guilty when this was exactly what she had been going for. But Katara had pulled her brother back forcefully, and now everyone else had caught on to what was going on. A quick scan of the crowd told her that Toph was grimacing with distaste, Ty Lee had paled and was looking at Sokka as though she felt sorry for him, Aang was partially panicking, and Zuko and Suki were utterly shocked, even as they were making their way towards them.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Sokka?!” Katara bellowed. Sokka grimaced and looked at her nonchalantly.

“What people do in weddings, I guess…?” he shrugged. “I mean, damn, you got married and I’m supposed to be all alone? Seems unfair to me…”

“You don’t have to be alone, you just… don’t have to be with HER!” Katara exclaimed, as Zuko stopped next to her.

“What’s going on here?” he asked. Katara looked at him in utmost indignation.

“Your sister was…! She was making out with my brother!”

“Wait, what?!” Zuko exclaimed, as Sokka stood up and raised his hands defensively.

“You know, nobody was doing anything they didn’t want to do, there’s no need for…”

“Sokka, why would you…?” Zuko asked, eyes wide. Suki, beside him, looked at her ex-boyfriend with horror. Sokka grimaced.

“He needs an intervention, he had too much to drink!” Katara declared, grabbing her brother by the arm and dragging him away before he could protest.

“B-but Katara!” he stumbled, glancing back at the others.

His eyes could have found Suki, and he could have glared defiantly at her, showing he would move on, as she had. They could have found Zuko, too, to sneer at him for what he’d done: if Zuko could get together with Suki, why should Sokka stay away from Zuko’s sister?

Yet his eyes latched onto Azula’s, onto the blush on her face, and the unexpected expression on it. She seemed to be at a loss. It pleased Sokka to see that: it was how he felt, too. Something unexpected had sparked between them, and he felt hard-pressed to find out what it was.

“Why did you do this?”

Azula jumped when Suki asked her that question, her voice shaky. The Princess stopped following Sokka with his eyes as Katara dragged him downstairs, and instead she stared back at the Kyoshi Warrior with skepticism for a moment. Soon enough she was smiling and shaking her head.

“Why, you ask?” she said, raising her eyebrows. “Because this party was getting rather dull, don’t you think?”

She walked away just as confidently as she had earlier, no matter if her makeup was smudged now, her appearance mildly disheveled. It had been a hell of a kiss, really. She only wished it could have lasted longer, or that they would have done it for the sake of it, rather than to cause a scene in the party. The things they could have done if they’d had privacy…

She didn’t realize her feet were taking her right back to Mai. And her eyes widened when she saw her old friend smiling with a streak of pure mischief that Azula hadn’t seen in her eyes for a very long time.

“That was quite the scene indeed,” said Mai. “I truly didn’t think you had it in you.”

“You ought to learn not to underestimate me by now, Mai,” said Azula, raising her eyebrows. “It would seem you’re the one who miscalculated this time…”

Mai’s smirk became soft laughter now. Azula was surprised to find herself smiling, too. She couldn’t quite believe she had said those words again, after all this time, without feeling not even a pang of bitterness over them. Mai had spoken them to her for the first time so long ago, and unleashed fury Azula hadn’t known she could experience. This time, Azula spoke them and brought Mai to laugh in a way she had never seen her laugh before. It seemed those words were rather handy when it came to triggering unexpected reactions.

“Fine. You win” said Mai, smiling still and reaching back to grab a clean cup for sake.

As she poured it, Azula bit her lower lip and made to sit beside Mai once more. She accepted the drink, even though it was far from her favorite. But it was a gesture of peace from the most unlikely source: she’d be a fool to reject it.

“I’ll say, that was some fine entertainment,” Mai chuckled again, raising her cup as to toast. Azula smirked and met Mai’s cup with her own.

“You know boredom is never in my schedule,” she said, proudly.

The two old friends drank together, to old days and new ones, sitting side by side before the Jasmine Dragon’s open bar. Eyes still leered at Azula warily, for everyone wondered what on earth had she been up to with Sokka, but Mai was warmer than she had ever been. Sometimes rekindling a friendship could be just as satisfying as starting a brand new romance.

The Jasmine Dragon was still boisterous and loud when Azula and Mai took their leave, barely a half hour after the chaotic scene had unfolded. As they weren’t too close to either of the newlyweds, the two of them wouldn’t be needed for now. Chances were people would have more fun without worrying about what Azula might pull next, anyways.

“I would head to the inn Zuko is staying at, he had booked a room for me…” Azula confessed, as they walked down the stairs, on their way to the exit. “But I’m afraid I don’t care for hearing what him or his girlfriend have to say about the stunt I pulled earlier.”

“Here I thought you had pulled it just to hear what they’d have to say,” said Mai, smirking. “Was it that good, then?”

“It was… decent.”

“Oh, of course it was only decent. That’s why you were moments away from straddling him in front of everyone, no doubt.”

“I was not.”

“You were and you know it. I was watching it all along, Azula…”

“It doesn’t mean that I was…” the Princess rebuffed, but as they stepped out into the street, she found there was someone sitting by the small water mirror before the teashop.

It was him. Her eyes widened when she noticed he was soaking wet, surely because of whatever his sister had done to him. Despite Azula had mostly wanted to rile up Zuko, clearly the more upset sibling hadn’t been hers.

Sokka raised his eyes and saw them, noticing the almost apologetic look on Azula’s face. He smiled and shrugged.

“What can I say? My sister has a temper,” he said, gesturing at the water mirror behind him. “Tossed me in there, said I needed to cool down if I thought you were hot…”

“You… said I was hot?” Azula asked, as Mai’s smirk widened with amusement.

“I didn’t say it, she inferred I thought so. And… I usually hate saying my sister’s right, but she is. I do think so,” Sokka admitted, truthfully.

The blush on Azula’s cheeks was so strong Mai could only snicker as she looked at her. It earned her a glare from her friend.

“Well, I was going to offer you the chance to find a room in the inn I’ll be staying at…” Mai said, crossing her arms over her chest. “But something tells me he has a more indecent proposal for you.”

“I wasn’t…! W-well, I didn’t…! I mean, if you want to, I…” Sokka stuttered, blushing too, but Mai had no time for his bumbling.

“Cut to the chase, you two need to get it on and I won’t stand in your way,” said Mai, looking at Azula with a proud grin. “Go get him, Azula.”

“I… shut up,” Azula snapped. Mai laughed as she took her leave, and Azula rolled her eyes while wishing she weren’t blushing so strongly.

Sokka gulped as Mai walked away, but he looked at Azula nervously, his head slightly bent down.

“So…?” he said. Azula looked at him with uncertainty, before sighing and smiling weakly.

“Are you really going to proposition me?”

“Do you want me to?”

“That depends on how you do it, I suppose,” she said, smirking now. Sokka snorted.

“Well, what can I say?” he said, shaking his head “Truth is, you’re too good a kisser. I wanted more up there, and I just hope you did, too. So… if you’re willing, maybe we could do it without an audience this time.”

“Hmm, maybe,” said Azula, smiling and moving closer to him. “And maybe we could do other things that don’t require an audience, yes?”

“If you’d like that…” he said, smirking too. Azula laughed.

“Well… it would be too irresponsible to leave you in those wet clothes, now, wouldn’t it?”

Sokka laughed in agreement as she leaned closer and kissed him deeply, without restraint this time. He held her under the stars, the water mirror behind them calm again as it reflected the two lovers and the field of darkness spreading above them, that covered them like a mantle and kept their budding affair safely protected from any prying eyes this time…

#azulashipchallenge #sokkla #azula #sokka #mai #brotp #no lies this is one of my favorite Azula brotps #these two are fun #fixing their friendship makes me happy

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riting · 6 years ago

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The Plumbing Tree by Medium Judith

Sylvan Oswald on The Plumbing Tree

The queer family has a gas leak. A character named Miasma, the voice of the gas itself, narrates its encroaching occupation of what might be an ordinary household. But for Medium Judith, the collaborative experimental theater “host” entity of Amanda Horowitz and Bully Fae Collins, this oddball clan is under siege from within. This is the exhausted American Family Play as civic debacle – the kind in which poisoned water contaminates entire towns, and even air in some public housing is not safe to breathe. The queer theater of Medium Judith, posits that the family play itself may be unfit for consumption.

Polarized politics play out among the queer spawn of Celetta (Flannery Silva) in her pregnant-Orthodox-Jewish-matriarch drag. When the gender nonconforming Yves (Christiane Oyen) proposes a “dragabond” flag with “Islamic aesthetics” for the front lawn, his* sister Jodi, an androgynous nationalist in a pilgrim outfit (the subversively charming Julia Yerger), worries what the neighbors will think. As the argument ensues, the Homer Simpson-eque subletter Lars (Arne Gjelten) and neighbor Augustine (Elizabeth Sonenberg) weigh in. Jodi’s riposte is a shrine to female military veterans decoupaged onto a huge yellow ribbon. Yves fires back, planting his flag with such vigor that a pipe bursts, spewing septic ooze and vapors that put the family in a trance. “A character is best played in a less than conscious state,” intones Miasma as the existential front lawn drips with Shit. The Plumbing Tree is not just a battle over national/personal domestic politics, but over the soul of the well-made-play.

The latter may appear to be of less pressing urgency given our moment in history. However, the American Family Play has often functioned as a referendum on national shame. Whether the revelation is fraud, addiction, abuse, or beyond, our post-Freud playwrights have built structures that reveal the repressed. We can trace this from the likes of Arthur Miller and Lorraine Hansberry through newer plays like Paula Vogel’s And Baby Makes Seven (1993), Brandon Jacobs-Jenkins’s Appropriate (2013), Taylor Mac’s Hir (2014), and Jackie Sibblies-Drury’s Fairview (2018) (and many more – it’s a vast genre).

The Plumbing Tree critiques blind spots within the queer community, such as thinking of ourselves as part of “the solution,” to what ails society. If “perfection is for assholes,” as Taylor Mac says, then with our glorious deviance we hold a space of inclusion, acceptance, and process-as-constant. These are values queer folks ostensibly represent. Yet, Queer is no monolith. We cannot ignore that the white supremacy and institutional oppression that exist in society-at-large exist within our own communities – and our own non-profits as well. It’s all too easy to police the boundaries of otherness.

As the queer family onstage crawls over each other, out of their minds from Miasma’s attack, I saw one lost world inside another. But it didn’t feel like nostalgia. Medium Judith’s The Plumbing Tree ends with a rousing punk number. The cast wrinkles their noses, “and smells the audience as if they smell like shit.” We’re full of it. And it’s time to look it in the face.

*Medium Judith has informed me that the character Yves uses male pronouns while exploring transfemininity but does not yet formally identify that way.

Sylvan Oswald is an interdisciplinary artist who makes plays, texts, publications, and video. He is an Assistant Professor of Playwriting at UCLA’s School of Theater, Film & Television.

Fiona Duncan on The Plumbing Tree

I suffer from claustrophobia in elevators, relationships, discourse, and media. The first act of The Plumbing Tree had right wing vlogging, trans and queer worship, uncouth men as the butt of jokes—hyper contemporary hot topics in the U.S. I was raised in Canada, and in the last 3 years, have come to appreciate how subtly different our nations are, as I witness my age and same ideals proclaiming peers here, in the States, mostly incapable so far, in their shares at least, of imagining true collective difference; their politics tend to be reactionary in content and form (loud, advertorial me meme forms), which is fair-ish re: content (the powers that be are powerful and awful! it's hard out here). But, what if: she who opposes force with counterforce reinforces that which she opposes and is formed by it. Anyway, I was happy when The Plumbing Tree devolved into collective shit, figuratively and figurally. Sewage burst from below the set of the house, like colonial, industrial, and patriarchal history is beyond haunting us now. The stage was brown and mucky and its character all got puke and mad sick from a stink indifferent to their differing identities and ideals.

I refuse to talk about shit with most anyone. I don’t find poo jokes funny. You should leave the room if you’re going to fart. It’s my one prudery; notorious, friends make fun of me for it. And yet I loved The Plumbing Tree’s shit brown metaphor and set, something about it not being just my shit, or your shit, or their shit, but so much shit, a world of shit, made it less cringeworthy, embarrassing, disgusting. This shit was even, refreshing.

Fiona Alison Duncan is an LA-based Can-American writer, bookseller, and organizer. She is the organizing host of Hard to Read, a monthly lit series, and Pillow Talk, community organizing on sex, love, and communication.

Brian Getnick on The Plumbing Tree

For the last year and a half I’ve watched Amanda and Bully’s The Plumbing Tree grow at PAM, from an installation of sculptures and diagrams in the stairwell to public readings of the script and workshop productions of the play. At its recent debut at Highways Performance Space, The Plumbing Tree has blossomed and grown some very bitter fruit.

At Highways, the stage was littered with abstract brown assemblages, a quilted flag and an enormous yellow ribbon adorned with regiments of proud female soldiers. These objects are sculptures that pose as props. They don’t sit meekly in service of the plays narrative; their surfaces are worked with detailed, micro narratives of their own. And, because their material processes are explicit, they also function as psychological prosthetics of the characters that made them. The flag is meticulously quilted by non binary-artist Yves, the soldier ladies are crudely rendered in local color by Jodi, the neocon daughter.

I understood the cartoonishly frenzied energy of the performers as a way to grapple with the fact that the characters they played are more or less composites of ideological signs and symbols that Amanda and Bully have poetically strung together as a script. If one mistakes their competitions, attacks, and craft making with the complexity and paradoxical nature of being it is because we, in our daily rhythmic interface with social media, resemble them.

For instance, the mother, Celetta, wants only the signs and none of the burdens of motherhood: an engorged but hollow belly. Her children appeal to her dreamily as floating potentialities of her creative powers. Celetta: “I saw my children before they were born and they were smoke. And they could be anything.” Celetta resents that her actual children have abandoned their post inside the belly and are beside her warring for attention. In Act III, she pantomimes the agonies of birth to regain it.

When the language in The Plumbing Tree makes a shift away from parody and into a nearly autonomous materiality the characters release word torrents reminiscent of Asher Hartman and Reza Abdoh. This became most evident in the character Jodi, the Pilgrim hatted conservative. The polemics she espouses read like an Antifa passion play. Jodi: “Knock knock, who’s there?, Socialism, Socialism who? Socialism is a failed a system Shame on you America!” Then: “Fuck your faggot prophets. Here my hate has stewed me through. Prosper porridge, pungent forest sow and owl fertilize. Taste my musket, piggy squalor, measles mumps disease deceased repeat repent release your lands and logs in rolling throngs.” The language invites ecstatic interpretation, a song, a scream. It bursts through a parody of conservative rants and goes down, flung from Jodi’s mouth, into a witch’s cauldron.

In the third act, the performers crawl, they attack, they sing and dance, they blow a cluster of rape whistles and begin a chant. I remembered this line: “An object named is a fish out of water” It seemed to point to what the authors want and don’t want from writing for theater. I spoke with Amanda about this sentence and her answer was (I paraphrase here): that to name a thing is to isolate it from the force that gives the thing movement, agency, breath, and life. But these artists don’t write in a breath of fresh air; it’s a gamey fart that erupts when a flag is staked in the yard breaking open a subterranean sewer. At this rupture, the voice of the fumes bellows forth and the inhabitants that have piled out of the house indulge in a collective hallucination. The shit smell is named Miasma: all powerful language unleashed from the body.

Brian Getnick is an artist, curator and writer about contemporary performance in Los Angeles. He is the director of PAM Residencies, a showcase and residency program for performers making long form work (30+ minutes). He is the founder and co-director with Tanya Rubbak of Native Strategies, a journal documenting performance art in LA since 2011.

The Plumbing Tree happened at Highways on October 19 and 20, 2018.

Medium Judith is a host for an interdisciplinary methodology for writing experimental theater works. The company originated in 2012 in Baltimore, MD with works composed by Bully Fae Collins and Amanda Horowitz.

Video stills by Pete Ohs.

#Performance Riting #Highways Performance Space

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adambstingus · 7 years ago

Text

44 Girls Reveal The Most Insane Thing A Guy Ever Did To Impress Them

Found on AskReddit.

1. He gave me a little box of chocolates, but he’d already eaten half of them.

When we were dating my husband bought a little box of chocolates ‘for me,’ but had already eaten half of them because he wanted to try them, too. I still make fun of him for it.

2. He showed me his tattoos of various My Little Ponies.

Showing me his tattoos of various My Little Ponies. He was so excited to show me, he thought I was going to be blown away by it.

3. He told me he hung up my picture so he could see it while in the shower and he was masturbating to it.

I met a guy via online dating. We went to dinner. He was telling me how much he loved one of my photos on the site. So much, he said, he hung it up so he could see it while in the shower and he was masturbating to it.

4. Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?

I once had a guy message me and his opening line was, ‘Hey, wanna sit on my face?’

I responded with ‘Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?’

He blocked me after that.

5. He called me his number-one girlout of seven.

I dated this guy for like, a week in junior college. Still very much in the ‘getting to know you’ stage. It became really obvious early on he was one of those guys that try to put you down so you’ll think you’re lucky he’s even talking to you but I’d just answer every subtle insult with a ‘…K.’

We were hanging out and he says something like, ‘You’re my number-one girl.’ Kind of a weird thing to say at this point in the game, all right. I jokingly said, ‘Oh yeah? Out of how many?’ He makes this big show out of counting on his fingers and pretends to try remembering all the names in his binders full of women before he says, ‘Seven.’ I was like, ‘Haha, OK, well, I don’t think I could compete with seven. Good luck with that,’ and stopped taking his calls.

6. He told me he masturbated to me but had never been able to finish.

He told me he masturbated to me. And then when I was uncomfortable he tried to make it better by telling me he had never been able to finish to me.

7. He told me he could rip a phone book in half, so I gave him one.

One time a guy I worked with tried to impress me by telling me he could rip a phone book in half with ease. On my production of a phone book, he proceeded to repeatedly attempt to rip it in half to the point of shaking and sweating. He couldn’t. The second-hand embarrassment was real.

8. He lifted his shirt up and said, ‘Look how little body hair I have.’

I had a guy come up to me at a bar, lift his shirt up, and say, ‘Look how little body hair I have.’ Granted he was super-drunk, but I just walked away.

9. He gave me a frozen, severed alligator foot.

I was a project manager at a consulting company. We hired a very odd fellow by the name of Rod. One day Rod and I were discussing a local Asian supermarket. This is possibly the second time we ever spoke; he did not end up working at the company for very long after.

Me: ‘Yeah, they have a lot unusual stuff there!’ Rod: ‘They even have alligator meat for sale.’ Me, in the most disinterested tone: ‘Yeah, how about that.’ End of conversation.

Weeks go by, and Rod announces he will be leaving the company to start a new position. He comes by my office to say goodbye. I notice he’s holding something in a plastic bag behind his back, trying to hold back a grin.

Me: ‘Best of luck, man.’ Rod: ‘I got you a going-away present.’ I think this is odd, so I say, ‘But I’m not leaving.’

Rod hands me whatever is wrapped in the plastic bag. I start to wonder if it’s something he has removed from his body. I unravel the plastic and notice a fishy smell. It’s a severed, frozen alligator foot, with claws still in tact. From the Asian Supermarket.

Rod: ‘See! You didn’t believe me when I said they had alligator meat!’

tl;dr Guy once gave me a frozen, severed alligator foot.

10. Two words: dick pics.

Two words: dick pics.

11. A guy carved my name into his arm once.

A guy carved my name into his arm once. I don’t have a very short name.

12. ‘Your face is like a tomatothe skin is all smooth and soft. Can I touch your skin?’

1) ‘You are so beautiful. Your face is like a tomatothe skin is all smooth and soft. Can I touch your skin? No? Oh, well can I paint you then? I want to give you a camera so you can take photos of yourself and see how beautiful you are.’ Random guy on a bus.

2) Set up on a date once. Date arrives 2 hours late (don’t ask me why I was still hanging around), proceeds to tell me he needs to buy some new jeans. We go to a store, he tries on the jeans and decides he likes them. We queue. At the checkout he looks over at me and says, ‘Oh shit, I’ve forgotten my wallet in the car. Would you mind paying?’

I paid.

3) ‘Your face is round like a football’said whilst drunk off his face and scaling a bridge (over not-so-troubled water).

13. He said, ‘Mmm, your blood is sweet’ and went on to tell me it was the sweetest he’d ever tasted.

I was in an art class with a guy and we were doing linocut printmaking. You have to use this really sharp implement to carve your image and my teacher reminded us daily to keep our hands out of the way. Of course, I managed to gouge my fingers. This guy grabs my hand and sticks my bleeding fingers in his mouth. After he released me, he said, ‘Mmm, your blood is sweet’ and went on to tell me it was the sweetest he’d ever tasted.

14. He once sent me a video of him ejaculating and pointing out how copious it was.

This guy once sent me a video of him ejaculating and pointing out how copious it was. We were taking a fitness class together and I’d never even talked to him much.

15. I just stared at him as one would stare at a pet who just shit on the rug.

We were in the middle of the club dance floor and he just walked up to me, pulled out his phone, and showed me the video from his Facebook of him doing a leg press in a gym. I just stared at him as one would stare at a pet who just shit on the rug.

16. He offered me half-price on weed if I had sex with him.

’Sooo…I can give you this at half-price if you want to stay over.’

I backed out of the room laughing. No, Tim, I’m fine with paying full price for a quarter-oz. of weed. I really don’t want hepatitis.

17. He just takes his dick out and starts jackin’ it.

Oh man, my wife’s best friend has a good one, but I don’t know if she is on here and it’s pretty difficult to not mention.

So she goes on this date with a dude who looked like a model. Gorgeous would be the word I may have heard.

Anyway, they go on this date. They get in her car, and he just takes his dick out and starts jackin’ it. She’s like, ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ and he just looks at her like a magician trying to ‘wow’ her. She doesn’t give anyway, though, and she’s pretty pissed. He gets upset and utters this phenomenal phrase, ‘Pfftyou’re just like the others.’

Which means that he has done this before! There is some good-looking dude who just goes on dates and jacks off in their car and wonders why no one likes him.

18. His military dog tags said ‘Made in China.’

This guy tried to impress me at a bar by telling me how he worked in the military. He had that kind of braggy attitude that makes people uncomfortable. Telling me how he’s trained to kill and knows how to use SO many weapons, and fly this and drive that, and knows hand-to-hand combat. I mean I don’t know anyone in the military, so who was I to say that some people didn’t behave like that? But it seemed so showy. He then ‘accidentally’ dropped his dog tags on the ground. Which also seemed weird. Who brings their dog tags to a bar, and also aren’t you supposed to wear them? Anyways, I was quicker to picking them up, he made a big deal about me looking at them, saying I wasn’t even supposed to touch them, as I was handing them back it clearly said ‘Made in China’ stamped on the back.

19. He told me that he didn’t normally date ‘Russian chicks’ (I have blonde hair, so OBVIOUSLY I’m Russian).

After bringing me every type of soda from the school vending machine (despite being told numerous times that I can’t drink soda), he pulled up a song on his phone and blasted it on full volume. He told me of how he understood the Japanese lyrics and the romance they held because love was a language spoken through raw emotions and could be understood by all. And of course, how the song represented our love. It was pretty cringeworthy.

Oh yeah, and he also told me that he didn’t normally date ‘Russian chicks’ (I have blonde hair, so OBVIOUSLY I’m Russian) because they are so strong and tough that they overwhelm his manliness. But I was ‘an artistic goddess’ who could set him free.

These are just the highlights. He did this stuff every day on the bus for an entire semester.

20. He read entire pages from a book written in Latin over a dinner date in a thick Italian accent.

Reading entire pages from a book written in Latin over a dinner date in a thick Italian accent because ‘that’s the way it most likely sounded,’ without translating anything, until I was about ready to fall asleep. I wrote off all classics majors after that date.

21. He asked me to his prom when I was 10 by buying me a candy bar.

Had a guy ask me to his prom. I was 10 and had never met him before. He asked me by buying me a candy bar while I was waiting for my mom to check out in the grocery store.

I was creeped-out. My mom thought it was hilarious.

22. I told him over and over again that I don’t like my feet touched, but he wouldn’t relent.

On our first date, about ten minutes in he told me that everyone always said that he gave the best foot massages and asked if I wanted one. I told him over and over again that I don’t like my feet touched, but he wouldn’t relent, so I finally said fine. Cue what feels like him literally trying to break my foot. Ended up with bruises.

23. One day he brought in his daughter (who was probably 6) and introduced me to the daughter as ‘mommy.’

When I was 18 waiting tables a much older man used to come in and sit in my section a lot. One day he brought in his daughter (who was probably 6) and introduced me to the daughter as ‘mommy.’ He told me he knew I was the ‘commitment type’ and said he said I was worth ‘the best thing he had to offer.’ It was cringeworthy.

He had been coming in for about a month before it got to this level of what-the-fuckness. When it happened I freaked out in the kitchen about it but kept my cool in front of him and didn’t say anything about it. Although the next time he came in he brought his mother and introduced me as his girlfriend and I lost it. I grabbed my manager and he kicked him out. The creepiest part about it was that he worked in a medical federal prison. I never saw him again, although I did run into his mother at Walmart about a month ago and it was very uncomfortable.

24. He would tell me stories of generally being a dick and following up with ‘I know I’m an asshole, but at least I’m honest, right?

It’s a tie between the guy that would tell me stories of generally being a dick and following up with ‘I know I’m an asshole, but at least I’m honest, right?’ and the guy that told me the story of how he drove the only girl out of his WoW guild by getting everyone to refer to her as a talking vagina (but she totally deserved it because she had a high-pitched voice).

25. He revved his engine and proceeded to take a sharp turn too fast and ditched his bike.

I was walking with a couple of my girlfriends when a guy on a motorcycle passed us. As he drove by, he revved his engine and proceeded to take a sharp turn too fast and ditched his bike.

He took off his helmet as he stood up and brushed himself off, picked up his bike, then he put his helmet back on. Only he tried to put his helmet on backward at first.

My friends and I are not mean-spirited, so we managed to keep a straight face until he drove away, then we laughed our asses off. Poor guy.

26. He came by every day to ask if I was ‘legal’ yet.

I was 14 and working at a coffee stand on an army base. A soldier came in and started hitting on me, not realizing how old I was. I told him my age and expected that he would give me an awkward apology and walk away… Instead, he told me that I was lying. It took some of my regulars coming in and convincing him that I was really 14. Instead of awkwardly apologizing and going away, he came by every day to ask if I was ‘legal’ yet.

Let me tell you, nothing says flattering quite like a creepy older guy who plans to basically stalk you at work for the next four years until you turn 18…

27. He texted me every hour or so every day for almost a month.

He texted me every hour or so every day for almost a month, then asked me out over text. When I declined he said something along the lines of, ‘Well it doesn’t have to be a “date date,” we could go as friends and see if anything happens. See, I can be accommodating!’

-.-

After another month of this I made a Google voice account and told him I changed my number. It’s been almost 3 years and I get texts/phone calls on that number.

Anyways he ended up dating my friend, flirted with me incessantly, cheated on her with multiple girls (not me), the two broke up, he asked me out again, then nearly got arrested for threatening to beat up a few kids. But hey, he’s super accommodating!

28. Cue me walking away and trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

Let me tell you about Heelys guy!

I’m at my university, waiting for the crosswalk to change, when out of the corner of my eye I notice this guy walking towards my location from the other side of the intersection. He has a skater helmet on (not clipped, just kind of hanging there 2cool4safety) and is skidding on, of course, Heelys. He stops about a foot from me and just…stares.

Me: Umm, can I help you?

HG: Yeah, you can stop raping me with your eyes.

Me: alrighty then.

HG: Also you can give me your number.

Me: Yeah, that’s not happening.

At this point the crosswalk signal changed and I started to walk away. HG, who had just been staring at me (red-eyed, most definitely high out of his mind at noon on a Monday), then grabs the back of a scooter and is heelying across the intersection to follow me. When he gets to the end of the intersection, he lets go of the moped (as the driver is yelling at him) and And he falls on the ground. And his helmet rolls away because it wasn’t clipped on.

Me: Are you okay?

HG: NO CAUSE YOU REJECTED ME.

Cue me walking away and trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

29. He fell with an inaudible cry in between the two buildings (about 12-15 feet).

In college, I lived in an apartment building that was extremely close to an old original building on the block where my friend lived. He and I were just friends at the time, but I knew he was interested. I had just been out riding my bike and was walking my bike up the steps to the stoop in front of our doorway. There was about a 7-10 foot gap between our stoop and the porch of this old building. Unbeknownst to me, my friend was (in his mind) cleverly trying to sneak up on me, Spider-Man style by nimbly jumping from the porch to our stoop while I got out my keys. However, his plan went awry, and he fell with an inaudible cry in between the two buildings (about 12-15 feet). I casually entered my apartment with my bike as usual. Two minutes later, I hear a knock. I see my friend, battered knees and elbows, looking rather sheepish. I’m confused and concerned, then he tells me what happened, in front of my roommates (all mutual friends), and we DIE laughing! Poor guy. Of course, we bandage him up and give him a beer for his troubles. LOL.

30. Catcalled me every day on my jogging route for a week.

Catcalled me every day on my jogging route for a week. Creepy as fuck. After the second or third day, I was like, ‘I’m not going to let some lout intimidate me away from my favorite route!’ So I kept going, but I drew the line when he actually tried to grope me. Now I go in the complete opposite direction. Pisses me the fuck off.

I know that avoiding the guy was a bad idea because then he could potentially hurt others, and I regret not doing anything. But given my age, stature, etc. at the time, I wasn’t in any position to physically fight back without endangering myself. I was also afraid of the guy following me home/harming me even more, so I got the fuck away as soon as I could.

31. A guy had a journal that was filled with poems about me, pages of ‘I love you’ written over and over.

A guy had a journal that was filled with poems about me, pages of ‘I love you’ written over and over, stories in excruciating detail of how we’d spend the rest of our lives together and he even had drawn pictures of what our children would look like. Every page was dated. This man wrote in it EVERY DAY for a year. I had no idea about it until he gave it to me for my birthday.

32. ‘Do you feel bad enough for me to give me your number?’

I was working and this kid that had been hitting on me all day came back and tried to hop onto the tips of his skis. (Using his poles to prop himself up?) Even though the move was supposed to drop my pants, he totally ate shit the noise was unmistakable. I hear a smack, him expressing his pain and then, ‘You didn’t see that, right?…Do you feel bad enough for me to give me your number?’

33. Dude pulls out the full-size metal rose that he’s cut and welded by himself and painted up all fancy.

I was dating a guy in first-year university (he was a fair bit older than me) and I mostly saw him evenings and weekends. He was a metalworker and worked long days, etc.

Things weren’t moving in the direction I wanted them to be going (read: him acknowledging me as his real girlfriend/actually officially dating)it spawned a lot of petty arguments.

I ended up breaking up with him and going back to his place the next day to get my stuff. He goes, ‘Oh, I made you this for Valentine’s Day but hadn’t given it to you’dude pulls out the full-size metal rose that he’s cut and welded by himself and painted up all fancy.

The breakup happened in

Dude panicked and tried to pull out some romantic gesture after realizing I was leaving.

I took the rose and I left. It sits on my desk and I look at it every day.

Spoils of war.

34. He faked having a girlfriend.

Faking having a girlfriend. If anything, it made me like him even less (which I didn’t think was possible).

35. For about 10 minutes. I was dying of second-hand humiliation for him.

I was at a bar with some friends and a moderately decent-looking guy starts to chat me up. He starts to talk to me about how smart he is and how he turned down a scientific master’s position at [nearby university] to work at a biotech startup. Interested, I ask about what the startup does, etc. Just being polite and making conversation.

It turns out he works at a clinic that does Alzheimer’s disease evaluations…doing intake paperwork. After unsuccessfully trying to change the subject to spare him embarrassment, he asks me what I know about Alzheimer’s. (Of course) before I answer he steamrolls me to tell me in copious (incorrect) detail about the disease. For about 10 minutes. I was dying of second-hand humiliation for him. He then finally asks what I do…

I’m approximately halfway through a Ph.D. program in which I examine molecular mechanisms underlying Alzheimer’s disease.

At this point I ask if he wants to leave. He does.

36. I don’t care how fast, loud, or how flashy your car is, you’re fucking annoying.

Any guy that tried to impress me with the type of car they drove. I don’t care how fast, loud, or how flashy your car is, you’re fucking annoying.”

37. ‘I’ve always wanted to have 4 kids. I have 3 now. I’ve always known you would give me #4.’

I had an old high-school friend find me on Facebook and pm me ‘I’ve always wanted to have 4 kids. I have 3 now. I’ve always known you would give me #4.’

38. After being told, ‘Do not talk to me again’ and 3 months of no contact, I’m clearly SUPER into him.

By bombarding me with texts nonstop and asking me out in the most pathetic way. He’d never do anything in person, just make awkward small talk, and the second we went our separate ways I’d get a text asking me to dinner. After making it very clear that I did not want to date him (straight up said, ‘I am not interested in dating you”), he’d try and convince me that I was flirting with him all the time.

Oh yeah, because clearly I have no idea what my own intentions are and need somebody else to explain them to me.

Even after flat-out telling him, ‘I am not interested in dating you,’ he’d ask ‘But, like, what does that really mean?’ Oh gee buddy, I mean it really sounds open-ended. After about a month of him trying to ask me out and me telling him, ‘I AM NOT INTERESTED IN DATING YOU,’ I told him to stop texting me and to not talk to me in class. And he did, until 3 months later. That’s when I get an essay-long text, telling me I’m perfect and ‘not fake like other girls’ and that he hates everybody but he doesn’t hate me and blah blah blah and ends the text with ‘[First Name Last Name], will you do me the honor of being your boyfriend? Or we can just be friends that’s cool too.’ Because after being told, ‘Do not talk to me again’ and 3 months of no contact, I’m clearly SUPER into him.

39. He immediately starts talking about how much money he makes, his life’s luxuries, his recent purchases.

Whenever I meet a guy, go on a date with him or just have a conversation with him and he immediately starts talking about how much money he makes, his life’s luxuries, his recent purchases, etc. that to me, is the saddest most annoying thing that guy can do and by no means the right way to impress me.

Guys acting like that tells me two things: 1) You think so vague and so superficially of me, that you think that impresses me; 2) You think so little of yourself and your character, that you use materialistic items to try and get girls, and that is a complete TURNOFF.

40. Librathe LION.

I was at a bar once, and a fellow tried hitting on me by asking, ‘What’s your sign?’ After laughing, then feeling bad (because he was completely serious), I answered the question.

‘I’m a Libra.’

‘Ooohhhhh, the LION!’ he exclaimed.

‘No….. the Scales….’ I respond.

‘Ah…I’m usually better at this. Sorry,’ was his reply, as I smile and leave with my drink.

41. He told me he was a Saudi prince and offered me a million dollars to have sex with him.

I was a waitress in a restaurant. A Middle Eastern guy told me he was a Saudi prince and offered me a million dollars to have sex with him. I found this to be creepy, and likely bullshit, therefore I said no.

I still occasionally wonder whether he was telling the truth, because honestly if he was, the answer would’ve been, ‘Let’s go.’

42. A guy tried to rap for me.

A guy tried to rap for me. I have nothing against rapping and I like rap music, but it was to HIS OWN previously recorded rap that he put on his iPhone.

No music, nothing. Just him yelling into his phone. And he didn’t even know the words!! To his own rap!!!

43. He tried to light two cigarettes at once.

My SO tried to light two cigarettes at once on our second date.

The wind kept snuffing out the flame. With two cigarettes still in his mouth he said, ‘Impressing you one failure at a time.’

His attempt to impress me didn’t work, but I thought he was cute so I kept him.

We no longer smoke.

44. I told him he should probably go back to DC.

Told me the only reason he hadn’t asked me out yet was because I seemed like I had a man back at home taking care of me, asked me out anyway, and when I said no, proceeded to tell me that ‘if you were living in DC you’d be all over me. I got hundreds of numbers when I was in DC.’

I told him he should probably go back to DC.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/44-girls-reveal-the-most-insane-thing-a-guy-ever-did-to-impress-them/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/174840700042

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

44 Girls Reveal The Most Insane Thing A Guy Ever Did To Impress Them

Found on AskReddit.

1. He gave me a little box of chocolates, but he’d already eaten half of them.

When we were dating my husband bought a little box of chocolates ‘for me,’ but had already eaten half of them because he wanted to try them, too. I still make fun of him for it.

2. He showed me his tattoos of various My Little Ponies.

Showing me his tattoos of various My Little Ponies. He was so excited to show me, he thought I was going to be blown away by it.

3. He told me he hung up my picture so he could see it while in the shower and he was masturbating to it.

4. Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?

I once had a guy message me and his opening line was, ‘Hey, wanna sit on my face?’

I responded with ‘Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?’

He blocked me after that.

5. He called me his number-one girlout of seven.

6. He told me he masturbated to me but had never been able to finish.

He told me he masturbated to me. And then when I was uncomfortable he tried to make it better by telling me he had never been able to finish to me.

7. He told me he could rip a phone book in half, so I gave him one.

8. He lifted his shirt up and said, ‘Look how little body hair I have.’

I had a guy come up to me at a bar, lift his shirt up, and say, ‘Look how little body hair I have.’ Granted he was super-drunk, but I just walked away.

9. He gave me a frozen, severed alligator foot.

Me: ‘Yeah, they have a lot unusual stuff there!’ Rod: ‘They even have alligator meat for sale.’ Me, in the most disinterested tone: ‘Yeah, how about that.’ End of conversation.

Me: ‘Best of luck, man.’ Rod: ‘I got you a going-away present.’ I think this is odd, so I say, ‘But I’m not leaving.’

Rod: ‘See! You didn’t believe me when I said they had alligator meat!’

tl;dr Guy once gave me a frozen, severed alligator foot.

10. Two words: dick pics.

Two words: dick pics.

11. A guy carved my name into his arm once.

A guy carved my name into his arm once. I don’t have a very short name.

12. ‘Your face is like a tomatothe skin is all smooth and soft. Can I touch your skin?’

I paid.

3) ‘Your face is round like a football’said whilst drunk off his face and scaling a bridge (over not-so-troubled water).

13. He said, ‘Mmm, your blood is sweet’ and went on to tell me it was the sweetest he’d ever tasted.

14. He once sent me a video of him ejaculating and pointing out how copious it was.

This guy once sent me a video of him ejaculating and pointing out how copious it was. We were taking a fitness class together and I’d never even talked to him much.

15. I just stared at him as one would stare at a pet who just shit on the rug.

16. He offered me half-price on weed if I had sex with him.

’Sooo…I can give you this at half-price if you want to stay over.’

I backed out of the room laughing. No, Tim, I’m fine with paying full price for a quarter-oz. of weed. I really don’t want hepatitis.

17. He just takes his dick out and starts jackin’ it.

Oh man, my wife’s best friend has a good one, but I don’t know if she is on here and it’s pretty difficult to not mention.

So she goes on this date with a dude who looked like a model. Gorgeous would be the word I may have heard.

Which means that he has done this before! There is some good-looking dude who just goes on dates and jacks off in their car and wonders why no one likes him.

18. His military dog tags said ‘Made in China.’

19. He told me that he didn’t normally date ‘Russian chicks’ (I have blonde hair, so OBVIOUSLY I’m Russian).

These are just the highlights. He did this stuff every day on the bus for an entire semester.

20. He read entire pages from a book written in Latin over a dinner date in a thick Italian accent.

21. He asked me to his prom when I was 10 by buying me a candy bar.

Had a guy ask me to his prom. I was 10 and had never met him before. He asked me by buying me a candy bar while I was waiting for my mom to check out in the grocery store.

I was creeped-out. My mom thought it was hilarious.

22. I told him over and over again that I don’t like my feet touched, but he wouldn’t relent.

23. One day he brought in his daughter (who was probably 6) and introduced me to the daughter as ‘mommy.’

24. He would tell me stories of generally being a dick and following up with ‘I know I’m an asshole, but at least I’m honest, right?

25. He revved his engine and proceeded to take a sharp turn too fast and ditched his bike.

I was walking with a couple of my girlfriends when a guy on a motorcycle passed us. As he drove by, he revved his engine and proceeded to take a sharp turn too fast and ditched his bike.

He took off his helmet as he stood up and brushed himself off, picked up his bike, then he put his helmet back on. Only he tried to put his helmet on backward at first.

My friends and I are not mean-spirited, so we managed to keep a straight face until he drove away, then we laughed our asses off. Poor guy.

26. He came by every day to ask if I was ‘legal’ yet.

Let me tell you, nothing says flattering quite like a creepy older guy who plans to basically stalk you at work for the next four years until you turn 18…

27. He texted me every hour or so every day for almost a month.

-.-

After another month of this I made a Google voice account and told him I changed my number. It’s been almost 3 years and I get texts/phone calls on that number.

28. Cue me walking away and trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

Let me tell you about Heelys guy!

Me: Umm, can I help you?

HG: Yeah, you can stop raping me with your eyes.

Me: alrighty then.

HG: Also you can give me your number.

Me: Yeah, that’s not happening.

Me: Are you okay?

HG: NO CAUSE YOU REJECTED ME.

Cue me walking away and trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

29. He fell with an inaudible cry in between the two buildings (about 12-15 feet).

30. Catcalled me every day on my jogging route for a week.

31. A guy had a journal that was filled with poems about me, pages of ‘I love you’ written over and over.

32. ‘Do you feel bad enough for me to give me your number?’

33. Dude pulls out the full-size metal rose that he’s cut and welded by himself and painted up all fancy.

I was dating a guy in first-year university (he was a fair bit older than me) and I mostly saw him evenings and weekends. He was a metalworker and worked long days, etc.

Things weren’t moving in the direction I wanted them to be going (read: him acknowledging me as his real girlfriend/actually officially dating)it spawned a lot of petty arguments.

The breakup happened in

Dude panicked and tried to pull out some romantic gesture after realizing I was leaving.

I took the rose and I left. It sits on my desk and I look at it every day.

Spoils of war.

34. He faked having a girlfriend.

Faking having a girlfriend. If anything, it made me like him even less (which I didn’t think was possible).

35. For about 10 minutes. I was dying of second-hand humiliation for him.

I’m approximately halfway through a Ph.D. program in which I examine molecular mechanisms underlying Alzheimer’s disease.

At this point I ask if he wants to leave. He does.

36. I don’t care how fast, loud, or how flashy your car is, you’re fucking annoying.

Any guy that tried to impress me with the type of car they drove. I don’t care how fast, loud, or how flashy your car is, you’re fucking annoying.”

37. ‘I’ve always wanted to have 4 kids. I have 3 now. I’ve always known you would give me #4.’

I had an old high-school friend find me on Facebook and pm me ‘I’ve always wanted to have 4 kids. I have 3 now. I’ve always known you would give me #4.’

38. After being told, ‘Do not talk to me again’ and 3 months of no contact, I’m clearly SUPER into him.

Oh yeah, because clearly I have no idea what my own intentions are and need somebody else to explain them to me.

39. He immediately starts talking about how much money he makes, his life’s luxuries, his recent purchases.

40. Librathe LION.

I was at a bar once, and a fellow tried hitting on me by asking, ‘What’s your sign?’ After laughing, then feeling bad (because he was completely serious), I answered the question.

‘I’m a Libra.’

‘Ooohhhhh, the LION!’ he exclaimed.

‘No….. the Scales….’ I respond.

‘Ah…I’m usually better at this. Sorry,’ was his reply, as I smile and leave with my drink.

41. He told me he was a Saudi prince and offered me a million dollars to have sex with him.

I still occasionally wonder whether he was telling the truth, because honestly if he was, the answer would’ve been, ‘Let’s go.’

42. A guy tried to rap for me.

A guy tried to rap for me. I have nothing against rapping and I like rap music, but it was to HIS OWN previously recorded rap that he put on his iPhone.

No music, nothing. Just him yelling into his phone. And he didn’t even know the words!! To his own rap!!!

43. He tried to light two cigarettes at once.

My SO tried to light two cigarettes at once on our second date.

The wind kept snuffing out the flame. With two cigarettes still in his mouth he said, ‘Impressing you one failure at a time.’

His attempt to impress me didn’t work, but I thought he was cute so I kept him.

We no longer smoke.

44. I told him he should probably go back to DC.

I told him he should probably go back to DC.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/44-girls-reveal-the-most-insane-thing-a-guy-ever-did-to-impress-them/

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